Let's Experiment.

It sucks when you don't know what to do. It sucks being clueless on what you have to be doing and how you're supposed to be doing it. It sucks when no one knows how you feel and no one is there to help.

You know what sucks more? Thinking like you don't know what to do. Thinking like you're clueless on what you have to do be doing and how you're supposed to be doing, when the answer is right in front of your face. It sucks when a billion other people in this world know how you're feeling and you can't seem to ask any of them for help because you're ashamed.

If I want to graduate with honors I have to this properly. I've never done this before but I think this will be the solution to everything. "Practice makes Permanent" that's what my Social Science Teacher told me. I've been lazing around too much and now I've gotten used to it. The drop in quality of my work was barely noticed last last year. But I can't say the same for last year. It's still considerably small but notable enough. And yet, I'm still here, constantly distracting myself. I should be studying. I should be worrying about requirements. And yet.

I'm still here... playing, imagining, laughing, running around, lazing around. I don't wanna grow up yet. The world won't stop turning for me. If I wanna play and I wanna work, I gotta find time for everything. Atleast I know what the problem is, right? Knowing is half the battle, right?

I read through the post and I saw a change of tone and it was surprising. Imma gonna practice my writing. I'm gonna get better :D

Creative Shot

I hope I'm creative enough. I don't seem to be enough for anything anymore. I have to put more effort if I wanna keep my state right now... Changing my state to keep it. This will be a challenge. But it will be fun on the way. I know this is just all talk. Yes still just all talk. For now, I think talk will be a good plan. Walk will follow soon after. I'll just have to get my game face on.

THE END starts with THEE

A week isn't enough.

I  want to rest. I want to play. I don't want to have to worry about much. Give me a week. But a week wouldn't be enough...

THE END starts with THEE

4 Venus Djinn

Things have changed since I started this blog and I still haven't been able to write down all the things I've wanted to write down.

Do all questions have answers?
Do all answers have questions?

(The above two statements were not the ones I still can't write down. Hm... Two Solutions: 1. Not Here and 2. Not Yet.)


[I am Affected. I feel embarrassed, ashamed even. Even just thinking about it. Hm... Does this not mean otherwise? More Thought Processing Required.]

Gotta Make Up My Mind

Today was an iffy day. It wasn't great, it wasn't that bad either. I liked the Math Long Test and PE though. Bio is a given, Fil was weird. Chem was okay, yeah, it was okay. Econ was Mind Rape. English is ENGLISH. EmSys was me just LOL And Physics... ewww...

I don't know what to think anymore. A friend asked how it was, and I answered I don't know... I haven't known for the past week or so. She then asks since when this has been, I reply ever? She asks again, once again, ever? It's been really weird. Or it's been really normal and I'm just trying to make things complicated. A different friends say I should just keep to my safe life, but really where's the fun in that? Seriously though, I really shouldn't be concerned about that, I mention to a friend and he just :)) in reply. I don't mind really... I really don't expect someone to know the answer... And yet... That one talk... That one talk... It was... I sorta...

No Forget it... I have to figure this out on my own... That was just me being melodramatic. I shouldn't even try... *sigh* Yes a big sigh...

I don't think I'll survive with a business of my own... My heart, 'twas not built for that. I don't have the EQ that would help me not give up. I don't even know what to do with my life. I don't know  what specialization I have... Might as well teach then? or teach how to teach? :))

I can't even multitask. It sucks, I swear. But I've realized that concentrating on one will get jobs done faster. Of course time is still an enemy, but one step at time is good progress for me. I just wish I could be efficient and effective... And to be more decisive... Hm... GG I suppose. Good Game. But there's still next Game right?

I'll wait... now is not the time... there will be a lazy time where everything will come into place. But I can't just wait all the time... I have to make things happen... and unhappen. I just hope no one's waiting for this, watching me as I plot. SCREWED.

"Objection!"

-Phoenix Wright

Contradictions everywhere. I wonder "Why?" but really don't I know it already? I probably should know but I refuse to admit it. Indeed cognitive dissonance has its ways all the time but I really can't help but wonder "What if?"
I tell myself "No more distractions, I can't have this without being distracted." And yet, I'm here, writing about distractions, not even caring that there are several LTs this week. This is sad. This is low. This is Stress. I don't need to think about these things, I could just let the whole world pass time. I could just not care, but I want to, I have to. I don't know whether time is with me or against me however I do know that I am against myself.

Hm... I think I've distracted myself from writing the rest of this post. Well that sucks.

Pardon the Rambling.

Did I ever mention, I'm shallow and very selfish :D

Finding out that I had the same birthday as a certain "you-know-who", it made me think, will I grow up to be like him? It's been a really weird month and half (YES, 7 and half months left). I'm still really thinking about that thing but it's getting harder to not think about. Hm... Maybe I should stop sleeping in math and physics :)). Hm... Maybe I should stop trying to make my life more exciting. Hm... Maybe I should study chem. Maybe I'm a hopeless... hm... Ah well. 5 days to go I suppose.

Hey, if you're reading this, you were not helping :)). We're so bad at this, as you have said. I can keep it on, but you should probably do something. This is real I think. So yeah... I have a lot of thinking and testing to do. I LOVE HALF-DAYS. THANK YOU MONDAY.