Gotta Make Up My Mind

Today was an iffy day. It wasn't great, it wasn't that bad either. I liked the Math Long Test and PE though. Bio is a given, Fil was weird. Chem was okay, yeah, it was okay. Econ was Mind Rape. English is ENGLISH. EmSys was me just LOL And Physics... ewww...

I don't know what to think anymore. A friend asked how it was, and I answered I don't know... I haven't known for the past week or so. She then asks since when this has been, I reply ever? She asks again, once again, ever? It's been really weird. Or it's been really normal and I'm just trying to make things complicated. A different friends say I should just keep to my safe life, but really where's the fun in that? Seriously though, I really shouldn't be concerned about that, I mention to a friend and he just :)) in reply. I don't mind really... I really don't expect someone to know the answer... And yet... That one talk... That one talk... It was... I sorta...

No Forget it... I have to figure this out on my own... That was just me being melodramatic. I shouldn't even try... *sigh* Yes a big sigh...

I don't think I'll survive with a business of my own... My heart, 'twas not built for that. I don't have the EQ that would help me not give up. I don't even know what to do with my life. I don't know  what specialization I have... Might as well teach then? or teach how to teach? :))

I can't even multitask. It sucks, I swear. But I've realized that concentrating on one will get jobs done faster. Of course time is still an enemy, but one step at time is good progress for me. I just wish I could be efficient and effective... And to be more decisive... Hm... GG I suppose. Good Game. But there's still next Game right?

I'll wait... now is not the time... there will be a lazy time where everything will come into place. But I can't just wait all the time... I have to make things happen... and unhappen. I just hope no one's waiting for this, watching me as I plot. SCREWED.

"Objection!"

-Phoenix Wright

Contradictions everywhere. I wonder "Why?" but really don't I know it already? I probably should know but I refuse to admit it. Indeed cognitive dissonance has its ways all the time but I really can't help but wonder "What if?"
I tell myself "No more distractions, I can't have this without being distracted." And yet, I'm here, writing about distractions, not even caring that there are several LTs this week. This is sad. This is low. This is Stress. I don't need to think about these things, I could just let the whole world pass time. I could just not care, but I want to, I have to. I don't know whether time is with me or against me however I do know that I am against myself.

Hm... I think I've distracted myself from writing the rest of this post. Well that sucks.

Pardon the Rambling.