At least, for a little bit more.
I just wanna write stuff right now. Well, type stuff. Whatever. I just want my thoughts out tonight. I don't wanna bother anyone right now because I don't feel like it's a time to bother people right now. I'm resisting the urge to chat so many people tonight; I've impressed myself really. People are online right now, but I don't want to bother myself by bothering them (if that makes sense).
What do I want to get out of my system? I find myself lacking in physical contact I think. I haven't hugged my mom recently. I should do that soon especially with my mom leaving at the end of the month. It's from my mom I really get my fix for hugs. Yeah, time I've given and received is not lacking.
I think my Magic mania has finally died down a bit, to give way to org stuff and supposedly more importantly, academics. I still really want to go look for cards to buy, because it'll help me grow my collection and because I want to spend. Buying things for oneself is really satisfying, I think. I should cut down on my expenses though because I don't my scholarship privileges this semester. I have some saved up though, so that's a great emergency plan.
I really wanna stop my search, well not stop, more like put it on hiatus, my search for love. But I really want my hug or even my holding hands fix. I can't seem to find anyone on my radar recently, so I've decided to go on hiatus I guess.
I discovered a question while talking with a friend, "Are girls oblivious to the fact that they are making guys hope?" I guess it could be asked of all people but a certain girl was our topic. I don't know the answer possibly because I am oblivious to this possible power that humans possess. Which really concludes to a "Yes" I guess. Which sucks, I guess. At least for the overthinkers and feelers. Regarding overthinkers, you can never know if you're overthinking or you're on the right track because you love open options. And all possibilities are plausible until one is taken.
I should probably go to bed soon. Maybe this could be my wind down activity. Writing... and stuff. I don't ever want to sleep in class again but I still don't have a foolproof reason. Honestly, it's my ego which makes me justify my sleeping in class. "Eh, I can catch up later." "Nothing cramming can't handle." "Lol, I'm me." I appreciate the ego boosts but most times I'd rather have the push in the better direction which is humility really. I'd like to be able to do Bio, if not for my love of learning, but to do it without feeling the need for my accomplishments to be recognized. Achievements are probably what keeps me playing, they give a sense of fulfillment, which is a really great feeling.
But I must drop my gaming this semester. New 3DS? Not this sem. Not yet. Also, probably why it's a good thing I don't have stipends this sem. The reason I'm scared of dropping gaming is that I might make it habit to NOT game which really means one thing essentially.
"I don't want to grow up. Not yet."
I'm not ready. Change is coming though. It scares me but I'm hoping I'll be thankful after all this.
Until the next one.
//so like Journal style now?
//for cataloging memories?
