January 10, 2014
January 06, 2014
What if
my concern for other people's well being is just to keep myself occupied until I wanted to do what I needed to do, and my recent lack of people connection pushes me to stay up on the internet longer and farther from what I usually do, so that by now I'm so far, I'm no longer "concerned" for others but at the same time more procrastinated or something like that?
That is, lying to others and myself that I'm concerned is the lesser evil compared to my own personal pursuits online with respect to my ability to do work earlier.
Except... I really shouldn't be too much into others problems if I haven't solved my own. So yeah, I guess that's something.
But I'm sure I'm actually concerned, it's just that when I turned on my Hopeless Romantic Phase, I accidentally triggered my cynicism too. Another reason to turn that off :))
//... Un-activate! Boop!
That is, lying to others and myself that I'm concerned is the lesser evil compared to my own personal pursuits online with respect to my ability to do work earlier.
Except... I really shouldn't be too much into others problems if I haven't solved my own. So yeah, I guess that's something.
But I'm sure I'm actually concerned, it's just that when I turned on my Hopeless Romantic Phase, I accidentally triggered my cynicism too. Another reason to turn that off :))
//... Un-activate! Boop!
Delta Bravo Mike Mike
It's weird. Yeah. I've lost my talk to anything about friend. Rather, I've lost them. Which actually implies I've lost myself.
I've not been myself lately I suppose; I'm also not what I've been hoping to become, so that's a problem.
Most of it right now is due to pop culture. Yeah. I've delved into several branches of pop culture that are not exactly related and rather than find myself more topics to talk to friends about, I have too much that's too different from the usual.
Which isn't all bad, except I have no idea how to tell them; the way I want to talk to them about it, is not my usual. So I have no idea how that will go. And I'd rather not try it over chat / online. But I've never done that in person either... so now I'm stuck at pretending I'm a lonely person looking for acceptance pretending he's his old self easy going and easy to get along with.
Look, I've alienated myself from others and sometimes I think it's not too bad. Right now I'm not liking it though, I'd like to go back to how things were like back in high school I suppose... but that's not the progressive way, right?
I do want to find someone to talk to about anything and everything, and given the pop culture I've gotten into recently (and the habits I've developed actually) I'm thinking I want someone new to talk to. A girl. Yeah. You know. Ahahahaha.
Hopeless Romantic Phase Activate. Except, there's no one on the radar. 'Tis weird. 'Tis incredibly weird. How 'bout I just say I want a hug or a peck on the cheek, attribute all my problems to lack of those and be on my way?
But that's not me right now. I want that and more. But I'm sticking to my previous thoughts...
Not right now, not anytime soon. I'd have to give up games for that, and I'd rather not. I'd like to give up games for something like academics or better relationships with friends. But then I'd have to find a different hobby.
WAIT A SECOND. My hobby is playing video games o.o and surfing the net. Sorry if this all sounds weird to you guys because this is just wow. A weird revelation in my head. Video games is a hobby I do not want to replace. It's not an addiction or a hindrance, it's part of my growth. I can't and shouldn't give it up.
Okay... maybe less time spent browsing on the internet will benefit me, and I guess I'll do that. Yeah I suppose I will. My friends do it all the time. Plus the age of Y!m (a.k.a. the age of late night chats) should be over. Maybe? I dunno. Just, yeah. Move over high school habits and move in uhm... better habits I suppose.
I'm not ready for school tomorrow though it's horrible and this post is horrible. I guess this is almost 1 month of no real out er... output? I forget the word. Yeah whatever. Just this kind of release of whatever I'm thinking.
Christmas break was fun definitely. Lots of play and almost 0 work. Unfortunately that will mean I will have to adjust to less play and a lot of work quickly. Because this extreme lack of a work ethic will be my downfall. And I can't let that happen.
tl;dr ΔBMM
//I write really weirdly. I need to write me something creative soon because this kind of writing is disorganized and it's just horrible :)) Plus, writing will give me something to do before requirements come in. And because I will try to enforce my no games and less facebook on weekdays thing.
//These comments are too long xD
I've not been myself lately I suppose; I'm also not what I've been hoping to become, so that's a problem.
Most of it right now is due to pop culture. Yeah. I've delved into several branches of pop culture that are not exactly related and rather than find myself more topics to talk to friends about, I have too much that's too different from the usual.
Which isn't all bad, except I have no idea how to tell them; the way I want to talk to them about it, is not my usual. So I have no idea how that will go. And I'd rather not try it over chat / online. But I've never done that in person either... so now I'm stuck at pretending I'm a lonely person looking for acceptance pretending he's his old self easy going and easy to get along with.
Look, I've alienated myself from others and sometimes I think it's not too bad. Right now I'm not liking it though, I'd like to go back to how things were like back in high school I suppose... but that's not the progressive way, right?
I do want to find someone to talk to about anything and everything, and given the pop culture I've gotten into recently (and the habits I've developed actually) I'm thinking I want someone new to talk to. A girl. Yeah. You know. Ahahahaha.
Hopeless Romantic Phase Activate. Except, there's no one on the radar. 'Tis weird. 'Tis incredibly weird. How 'bout I just say I want a hug or a peck on the cheek, attribute all my problems to lack of those and be on my way?
But that's not me right now. I want that and more. But I'm sticking to my previous thoughts...
Not right now, not anytime soon. I'd have to give up games for that, and I'd rather not. I'd like to give up games for something like academics or better relationships with friends. But then I'd have to find a different hobby.
WAIT A SECOND. My hobby is playing video games o.o and surfing the net. Sorry if this all sounds weird to you guys because this is just wow. A weird revelation in my head. Video games is a hobby I do not want to replace. It's not an addiction or a hindrance, it's part of my growth. I can't and shouldn't give it up.
Okay... maybe less time spent browsing on the internet will benefit me, and I guess I'll do that. Yeah I suppose I will. My friends do it all the time. Plus the age of Y!m (a.k.a. the age of late night chats) should be over. Maybe? I dunno. Just, yeah. Move over high school habits and move in uhm... better habits I suppose.
I'm not ready for school tomorrow though it's horrible and this post is horrible. I guess this is almost 1 month of no real out er... output? I forget the word. Yeah whatever. Just this kind of release of whatever I'm thinking.
Christmas break was fun definitely. Lots of play and almost 0 work. Unfortunately that will mean I will have to adjust to less play and a lot of work quickly. Because this extreme lack of a work ethic will be my downfall. And I can't let that happen.
tl;dr ΔBMM
//I write really weirdly. I need to write me something creative soon because this kind of writing is disorganized and it's just horrible :)) Plus, writing will give me something to do before requirements come in. And because I will try to enforce my no games and less facebook on weekdays thing.
//These comments are too long xD
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