Thick Skin

First time (and probably last time) to post from mobile. Spell checker makes it so much easier though.

I'm just sick today and I promised mom I wouldn't use my laptop so now I'm here. I didn't want to tweet because I didn't want anyone to worry but I wanted to get things off my chest.

I guess I'm just saying it hurts. Things you say; it's hard to discern intent through text. I'm not a writer so maybe I'm just not good at that.

(I'm really hoping you're not reading this. I love you so much. Please don't think I want to give up on us. I just want to rant without bothering anyone.)

It's kind of difficult for me to say things about this because it's a rather sensitive topic nowadays. People who get depressed are a handful, but I knew that committing to this. I have friends who get depressed and I'm here for them, too. And since depression is a health issue, of course those in better health are supposed to take care of those in need of help. Just like right now, I feel super bad because of my sore throat so my parents, who are healthy, are taking care of me. I just wanna ask the question though, are depressed people accountable for what they say during their depressive episodes? Maybe it's just cause I'm sick right now, but I feel extra bad knowing I can't help you through it right now. It hurts me, but especially now, to read about what you feel. I want you to feel good, to feel better, but you make it sound so hopeless all the time. I don't want to raise this question because it's such a sensitive topic and I don't want you to feel guilty I feel this way. But it's just so hard. Do they need to apologize to people they've hurt during their depressive issues?

Does thick skin help against words you read or only against words you hear?

A Tale of Kellen the Adventurer

Going to start a solo dungeon crawl based on these rules:
http://rpg.brentnewhall.com/2011/12/3-dice-dungeon-a-solitaire-dungeon-crawl-game/

I'm going to chronicle this adventure; likely not a long adventure, but I'll do my best to narrate it well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since Kellen was a boy he knew he was destined for greatness. At an early age he was able to use his magical ability lighting candles from across the room, and even levitating his toys away to clean up (Spirit: 5). Even without his magic, he could take a punch, even outlasting the largest boy in his town during their test of strength (Body: 5). But his strongest asset was his ability to think up ways to get out of situations his magical or physical ability could not get him out of (Mind: 6). At the age of 18, he decided that a simple village life was not for him so Kellen decided to go on an adventure.

Body: 5, Mind: 6, Spirit: 5, XP: 0.

The following is a retelling of his first adventure.

(1,4,3)

Kellen gathered rumors of an abandoned dragon treasure hoard that was situated in a dungeon near town. He prepared his supplies that same night and at the break of dawn headed out through the forest. On the way, he happened upon a giant wondering about the path. He decided to set up a trap enough to distract the giant so he could pass it (Mind 6). Despite his careful preparation, his trap had sprung ahead of time. The giant had heard him and charged after him, excited at the prospect of prey to hunt. Kellen hurled a fireball at the giant (Spirit 2) and was able to hit him and dodge out of the way of the giant's charge. This time he aimed for the giant's eyes and shot another fireball (Spirit 2). The fire barely missed the giant's eyes but it had hit and distracted the giant enough for Kellen to get close and swing his sword (Body 2). His sword hit the giant's leg and as the giant was reeling back from the hit Kellen readied to attack another time (Body 4). He thrust his sword down onto the giant's foot finally finishing of the large creature for good. Upon searching the giant, Kellen found himself a magically enchanted sword. Sheathing it carefully, excited at the thoughts of creatures he would slay using this sword, he continued on his journey.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 5/6, S: 5/5, XP: 8/50.

(3 (1 exit),3,2)

While on the path, Kellen had heard a noise off to the west and decided to investigate. Upon further investigation, he had come up on a relatively large camp of ogres. He decided this was a good time to test out his newly found weapon and again prepared an ambush (Mind 3). This time, his stealth and cunning paid off and he was able to finish off one of the ogres slitting its throat with his dagger without alerting the others. Kellen decided to keep to this strategy (Mind 2) and finished off another ogre in the same way. Our hero, called to the last remaining ogre to lure it to the trap he prepared just a ways off(Mind 2). The ogre, as all ogres are, was not very smart and walked right into the pit whereupon Kellen was able to end its life using a fireball without much hassle. He searched the camp finding no notable treasure but decided to rest for a while before continuing on his journey.

B: 5 + 1/5, M: 6/6, S: 5/5, XP: 16/50.

(4 (1), 4, 4)

Trudging along through the forest, he was stopped upon seeing a rather large shadow move on the east side of the path. He was curious if perhaps another giant was around, and since he still hadn't tested out his new sword that this might be the time. What we saw though was a creature the size of a giant but made of metal instead of flesh. The large metal creature moved slowly but menacingly, and seemed to be patrolling the area. As Kellen looked from afar, he noticed that the metal giant was guarding a closed-off mine. When the creature turned its back Kellen fired a fireball at it (Spirit 4). Fortunately, the metal giant was large and easy to hit but the fireball had alerted it to his presence. He fired another as the creature turned towards him (Spirit 2) and the fire hit its torso. Kellen thought perhaps the best way to defeat a metal creature was not with a metal sword, so he skirted around the giant to flank it as best he could (Mind 5). Kellen dodged away from the giant as it ran into a tree and immediately retaliated. He fired two fireballs in quick succession hoping to end this battle once and for all (Spirit 2). The metal giant charged at Kellen once again, but his fireballs found their mark, engulfing the creature in an explosion destroying its head and torso. Since the immediate threat had been dealt with, Kellen investigated the mine entrance. Unfortunately, the mine was closed-off using a magic rune. Without such rune, opening the mine would be impossible. Kellen, disappointed that he could not explore the mine further, decided to scavenge through the metal giant's remains. As he sifted through the metal, he found a purple stone. It had a faint glow to it and as he touched it, he saw a symbol in his head. He realized this was the symbol of the rune he needed to open the mine, and was comforted with the fact that at the very least he knows what to look for to open the mine. Upon further pondering he decided the stone was also the reason why the inanimate metal giant would have gained some sort of sentience. Kellen satisfied with his mental exercise, pocketed the stone, and went back to the path, promising himself to return once he had found the rune.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 28/50.

(3 (3), 1, 1)

Kellen reached the end of the path and found several goblins in a large clearing. He quickly took care of the goblins (Spirit 2) using fireballs but regretted it as he was unable to loot their charred remains for anything useful. He then decided to explore west.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 33/50.

(3 (2), 1, 2)

Another large clearing was ahead of him stationed with more goblins. Kellen launched more fireballs (Spirit 1) and again dealt with the threat even quicker than before. However, he was more careful this time, and was able to preserve the bodies of the goblins enough to be able to loot their corpses. He found a vial containing some red fluid, which upon swirling shimmered slightly. He uncorked the vial, and tried to smell it. A peppermint-like smell emanated from the vial, stronger the more the contents are swirled. He realized he had found a Potion of Healing. He secured it in his pack and continued west.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 39/50, 1 Healing Potion.

(1, 5, 3)

Kellen saw a path into the forest at the end of the clearing. He was however, stopped by a large shadow that had passed over him. When he looked up, his eyes grew wide in awe of what he saw. A dragon was circling above the clearing preparing to land. Kellen dashed toward the forest path as fast as he could. But the dragon was faster, it had seen Kellen and swooped down landing between Kellen and the narrow forest path. It was a Green Dragon which had scars all across its body, and one particularly recent-looking wound on its face. Clearly, this dragon had recently been in a fight and had a history with winning most of those it gets into. Kellen decided perhaps the best course of action was to distract it enough for him to escape into the forest (Mind 5, 5, 4, 1, 6). Kellen slowly approached the dragon while talking about the majesty of the creature describing great battles the dragon must have won and great treasures he speculated the dragon had owned. The green dragon was certainly enjoying the praise and slowly letting its guard down. Unfortunately, upon the mention of treasure, it was angered. It squinted and stared right into Kellen's eyes. Kellen felt a foreign entity in his mind and realized that the dragon was trying to make him its slave. He continued to regale it with tales, approaching the dragon as if the mind control had no effect on him. Now face to face with he dragon, Kellen fell onto his knees. The green dragon content that his slave was already bowing without him issuing an order, decided to look more closely at his subject. As the dragon was nearing Kellen, Kellen whipped out his magical sword and stabbed at the creature's wound. The bowing had all been a trick (Mind 5). The dragon roared in pain and reeled back with the sword still in his cheek. The dragon charged angrily through the clearing seemingly trying to get enough speed to fly out as Kellen dodged out of its way. The green dragon tripped, fell, and skid along the grass of the large clearing. Kellen approached cautiously as the dragon twitched one last time and Kellen was finally able to reach the dragon's face. He pulled at his sword and watched as the dragon's blood dripped from it. The sword began to glow green; brighter and brighter it glowed, until Kellen had to shield his eyes. When the brightness slowly faded he looked at his sword, now no longer covered in blood as a faint green aura surrounded it. Kellen sheathed his sword satisfied with his recent victory and decided to make camp for the night.

B: 5 +2/5, M: 5 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 48/50, 1 Healing Potion.

(-. 2, 1)

Late into the night, Kellen was awakened by a sound. Fortunately, he was able to dodge out of the way before a goblin bashed his head in with a club. He quickly retaliated with a fireball (Spirit 3) and looked around for any more threats. At the corner of his eye, he noticed a moving shadow. He fired at the direction of the movement (Spirit 5). Kellen waited awhile for any further movement, but inferred that there were no further threats. As he was turning around, he was hit in the leg with a blunt object. A goblin had sneaked up behind him and hit him with its club. He drew his sword (Body 4) and quickly swiped at the goblin slaying it immediately. He waited and listened for a few minutes, not letting his guard down this time. Once he was satisfied, he went back to sleep.

B: 5 +2/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 6/6, XP: 51/50, 1 Healing Potion.

The sun rose and the bright new day awakened Kellen. He ate his breakfast then packed his things, thrilled at the thought of what today's day of adventuring would bring. He looked at the dead dragon that he had slain the day previous; it gave him confidence. Slaying a dragon on his first day as an adventurer, now there's surely nothing he wouldn't be able to beat, he thought to himself. Kellen gleefully marched west following the path at the end of the clearing. He continued on, excited for whatever lies ahead.

Body: 5/5, Mind: 6/6, Spirit 6/6, XP: 1, Level: 2
Items: 1 Healing Potion, +2 Magic Sword,
+1 Tome Stone of Enlightenment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Final thoughts:

• I should change the status reports to have the maximum displayed as well.
  (Went back and did that lol)
• Rolling 5,6,5 at the start made the adventure too easy but it was a good story I guess :))
• Maybe the Magic Swords and the Tomes of Enlightenment are supposed to make the adventure more difficult? +1 to rolls = bad, I used them as if they increased your threshold so instead of failing at 5 Kellen would have to roll 5 +1 (now +2) in Body to fail.
• Not sure if I'll continue this (at least using this system) or I'll be starting a new one in this system with a party. It's supposedly harder with a party because you'd have to share the loot and stuff.
• Overall, I'm happy with how this turned out :D This is what I imagine me playing DnD alone would look like. Maybe next time I'll play actual DnD and have dialogue too but who knows :))
• *"How to be a Black Mage" tag = How to be an Adventurer :))

Walls of Text Incoming.

So how do we find out if we're on Earth 1 or 2? Does it even matter? I made a theory with some of my friends quite some time ago regarding the existence of another Earth. We proposed that there are 2 Earths and that everytime we deplete the current Earth we're living on, all those from a certain generation and younger migrate to the other Earth and those are the only people who know that we've migrated. Let's say it's our generation who moves to the other Earth, we the 90's kids who moved to other Earth can now choose our starting year. I personally propose that Year 1 be 1990 so that we can "relive" our 90's.

So what are the real implications of this theory. I don't actually remember because I've been rambling for a while now. Really, I've forgotten what I was supposed to talk about. All the sci-fi stuff and all that. Meh. Next topic I guess?

I wanna write something that I'll be remembered for. I wanna write a book someday. Someday soon maybe.

I don't really outline the things I start writing about on this blog so I just start to type whatever comes into my mind next. Oh I know let's talk about the state of my love affairs!

Well, there's really nothing to talk about. I keep saying I'm not looking for a relationship, so I guess that could be a reason why I'm not getting into any. Sorry, I meant why no one wants to be in a relationship with me. It makes me, unlikable maybe. Like it's a passive aura I exude.

But I don't really know, maybe no one likes me that way right now. And that's fine. But I keep on wondering, keep on making up stories in my head, about how I'll meet her. Even, stories that maybe perhaps I've already met her. You know, instead of like fanfic, realfic? Like fiction of the reality of things, nothing sci-fi or fantasy, just what if stories. Of course I can't share these stories because it involves people I know, and that'd be awkward, and because I can't properly describe and supposedly think like the characters I use in these stories.

What I'm saying is, I don't fall for the people I make up stories about, I fall for the way I portray them in my mind. Falling in love with the memory is not falling in love with the person, or something like that.

AND BESIDES, True Love is a choice. The act of choosing your love is the evidence of love. Why do you love her? I dunno. But I do. Because I chose her so I love her. It' goes around in a circle I guess.

Someday I'll realize my choice. Someday. For now I choose just playing around and living my life in pleasure and in pain.

Romance and lifelong commitments can wait.

Persistence and Routine.

"Ang ganda niya. Ang ganda talaga niya."

"She's so pretty. She's so very pretty."

That's how I convinced myself back in first year and it's been a hard habit to break. I still can't find anyone who made me feel that way; who made me compliment the wind every single time.

Except I have. I have found persons who made me compliment the wind every single time. I have been finding persons all the time. Except I stop myself. What if she's not the one?

And so I never try. And so I never find out. And so I never found out.

Love is a choice. I'm not ready to love right now, is what I'm saying right now. And so not ready I shall be.

Just leaving this here.

At least, for a little bit more.

I just wanna write stuff right now. Well, type stuff. Whatever. I just want my thoughts out tonight. I don't wanna bother anyone right now because I don't feel like it's a time to bother people right now. I'm resisting the urge to chat so many people tonight; I've impressed myself really. People are online right now, but I don't want to bother myself by bothering them (if that makes sense).

What do I want to get out of my system? I find myself lacking in physical contact I think. I haven't hugged my mom recently. I should do that soon especially with my mom leaving at the end of the month. It's from my mom I really get my fix for hugs. Yeah, time I've given and received is not lacking.

I think my Magic mania has finally died down a bit, to give way to org stuff and supposedly more importantly, academics. I still really want to go look for cards to buy, because it'll help me grow my collection and because I want to spend. Buying things for oneself is really satisfying, I think. I should cut down on my expenses though because I don't my scholarship privileges this semester. I have some saved up though, so that's a great emergency plan.

I really wanna stop my search, well not stop, more like put it on hiatus, my search for love. But I really want my hug or even my holding hands fix. I can't seem to find anyone on my radar recently, so I've decided to go on hiatus I guess.

I discovered a question while talking with a friend, "Are girls oblivious to the fact that they are making guys hope?" I guess it could be asked of all people but a certain girl was our topic. I don't know the answer possibly because I am oblivious to this possible power that humans possess. Which really concludes to a "Yes" I guess. Which sucks, I guess. At least for the overthinkers and feelers. Regarding overthinkers, you can never know if you're overthinking or you're on the right track because you love open options. And all possibilities are plausible until one is taken.

I should probably go to bed soon. Maybe this could be my wind down activity. Writing... and stuff. I don't ever want to sleep in class again but I still don't have a foolproof reason. Honestly, it's my ego which makes me justify my sleeping in class. "Eh, I can catch up later." "Nothing cramming can't handle." "Lol, I'm me." I appreciate the ego boosts but most times I'd rather have the push in the better direction which is humility really. I'd like to be able to do Bio, if not for my love of learning, but to do it without feeling the need for my accomplishments to be recognized. Achievements are probably what keeps me playing, they give a sense of fulfillment, which is a really great feeling.

But I must drop my gaming this semester. New 3DS? Not this sem. Not yet. Also, probably why it's a good thing I don't have stipends this sem. The reason I'm scared of dropping gaming is that I might make it habit to NOT game which really means one thing essentially.

"I don't want to grow up. Not yet."

I'm not ready. Change is coming though. It scares me but I'm hoping I'll be thankful after all this.

Until the next one.

//so like Journal style now?
//for cataloging memories?

Money.

It makes the world go round.
It's the root of all evil.

I hate it. It's not that it's inherently evil really, it's the love for it that makes it evil. It really sucks that it makes the rules. I can't really think of a world I'd like to live in without it though. I'd just like to come home and not have to worry about any problems regarding it.

I don't want to save. I want to spend. That's what it's for. For obtaining other items for use. But investing and saying no to debt is so difficult. Instant gratification wins over almost all the time. It's horrible. I hate it. I hate the feeling of worry. I hate being uncertain. But it's become my habit, uncertainty, RNG.

I realize now why I'm a scholar. I realize now why I have to finish college. But I still don't know what I'm doing after. They say it's a problem for tomorrow you, and luckily tomorrow never comes. How to live with money? How to live without it?

I'm still just so confused. I refuse to understand its system right now, which is my fault really. I just want to

be happy.

Forget about things for a while.

I think I need to make blogging my new, do thing to start doing things.

But for now I just want to start typing so that I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. Beware, this will be a long and rambly post, one that might not have an ending. Right now, I have no plans for this, just rambling post incoming.

I think that I like my course. Biology is fun. I'm not a fan of anatomy. Or I'm just a case of bad circumstances. Let me try to dissect my problem right now. I think I should go back to when I was struggling with Biochemistry.

I found that I didn't not like Biochemistry, it's just that I thought I didn't like it. I found it difficult because I didn't understand it. I didn't understand it because I slept in class. I slept in class because I didn't sleep at night. I didn't sleep at night (not enough sleep at least) because I was procrastinating. I was procrastinating because I found other things more interesting than the subjects I had... which leads me to believe that I don't really like my course as much as I had thought I did? Or does Biology have to have a hook for me to get interested? Shouldn't I just inherently be interested in it because I chose to love it? Am I just saturated right now?

To give light on my current state here's this paragraph / wall of text. I had to appeal to keep my scholarship back in the beginning of the semester so I was unable to register other subjects other than my Bio Majors. I didn't pre-rog because I thought "Hey, I'm a Bio Major, I can handle Bio Majors." You know like four of them, all in one sem. Hahaha. Well, past that, I could see myself studying for them, but I like to blame it on when my parent's left me for a month, to take care of the house. Seriously, I wasn't ready for that. I had to deposit checks and stuff o.o That's like the most grown-up thing I've ever done! But I learned to do that, which is cool now I guess. But I like to blame that month as the reason I never got my study habits for the semester in check. I never told my parents but sometimes I would skip my first class because I woke up late. Because I had to do requirements in the evening, you know, after handling all of the money stuff and the tutorial center. I had to handle taking care of my little brother too. Yeah, even just driving and fetching him for school was kind of a hassle. I really wasn't ready to grow up.

And I'm just not ready to grow up still. I still want to play. I think this has been the central thesis of my blog since I stopped liking her. But it also makes me appreciate my parents more because they do all this for me while I only have to worry about my studies. And that's the thing I'm not happy about right now. That's all I'm doing right now, worrying about my studies. I'm not working to get better grades, I'm not working to learn better, I'm just worrying. It's so petty, I can't even believe that I haven't gotten over it yet.

Also, I dropped a major, so I think I might be delayed, and I'm still in the red when it comes to passing my other major. One major, I actually like because it has math (maybe I could do math for my life instead?). The other major is a hassle and I've let down my groupmates far too often then what is prescribed (prescribed is to never let them down, and I've done much worse). And I have that one stray lab class. Why have I achieved such a fate? Why have I put myself in this situation?

And yet I'm still not dead. There is a reason I'm not dead. I don't know why yet. Maybe it's to finish my Biology course and to become an inspiration, or you know maybe I'll discover something Bio-related. Maybe it's just to motivate the people I've met and going to meet. Maybe it's to sacrifice myself for the people I've met and going to meet. Maybe I need to make 12 children. Maybe I need to be a radio disc jockey. Maybe I need to be a sports announcer (Dota 2 is an esport, so that probably counts). Maybe I need to be a youtuber. Maybe I need to be a game developer (indie or mainstream). Maybe I just need to fall in love. Maybe I need to finish my scholarship. Maybe I need to tweet more.

I'm not dead. I am thankful. I will contribute to the world. Not a big contribution yet. Small ones for now. I should start now. Yeah. That'd be great.

//Not re-read nor proofread.
//Unedited.

Click.

How do you let everyone know that you've let them all down?
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I'd really like to load a previous save file right now.
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I'd like to reroll my stats and reclass into a better student perhaps.
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.
I guess I should just move on and do better than I have before.

Yes. Even if only marginally better. Just a smidge better today. Then just a little bit better tomorrow.
I don't need to be looking for my restart button because there just isn't one.

There is no safe place

to rant anymore :))

Should probably move URL's because obviously this is not my theme anymore. Well it probably is but the posts I have here are no longer of the same content as when I first started :))

Also, twitter is not safe because I am apparently applying for a twitter-heavy org :))

So yeah I'll leave with this.

The MemComm Head reminds me of my Ex. Not sure if good thing or bad xD

I wish you knew and I wish I wouldn't have to guess.

But where's the fun in that? :))

I shall work on my looks and my physique some other time. For now it's time to prevent another trip to the far away land of DOST.

If you only knew

Who am I talking to though? o.o

Also, I think. I think. I think... I may have gotten a girl's number :)) Will update when I wake up.
I should probably study after updating :))

To chat or not to chat?

She's online. So I should probably chat her up right?
I have two exams tomorrow. So I should probably not chat her up right?
I didn't get to talk to her last Friday. So I should probably not not chat her up right?
I don't have anything in particular I want to talk about. So I should probably not not not chat her up right?

HALP PLOX.

"Wanna watch a movie instead?"

All of my usual chatmates are offline. Except for one. Is this a sign? I think I should undistract myself and go finish the powerpoint. :))

Kawaii T-T

That's the only thing I can't rant about on Twitter right now. Because she follows me :))

You never know what you want until something :))

I've always said I never liked chinky eyed girls... I was wrong :)) They've been the apple in my eyes lately apparently :)) Seriously I didn't notice until now. Is it true then? Is Love Blind? But then me seeing the truth would mean that I am no longer blind and therefore... no longer in love? O:

Anyway, also true for short haired girls, meaning I thought I didn't like them xD Though in this case the "Oh, she looks great with that hairstyle" clause is more to blame.

Count that I can remember: 2 Crushes and 2 Happy Crushes so far.

GAG;hesalk etwae4 2

l;kx zasj  ajsjgj;sad tg

And I'm back. OMG. I have so much frustration that I haven't released in a long long while and now I'm on my tipping point. Like seriously. I can't seem to talk to anyone because I refuse to do any backstabbing. This shouldn't count right, because... It's online. And I'm anonymous. And I'm not telling any specific person. Or something like that :))

I think my next move should be to chat her up rin :)) But I don't want to do it right now because he's chatting her up right now. I'm not not chatting her up right now because I want her for myself really, I'm not not chatting her up because he's still my friend and I should still be a wingman :))

Support role activate. I should only deny opposing heroes XP; I shan't deny my laning partner XP. T-T
Grarararararar. I don't even know where to place wards, or if it's even important to place wards. We might just be fighting bots. Gah. I thought he was on a different lane T-T

//Double-posting is a bad sign :))
//It's not even midnight yet xD

Agitated.

*gets off twitter and FB*

It seems no one can console me on any of those sites so I guess I'll be ranting here now :)) I can't exactly rant to le best friend because we're actually competing for the affection of the same girl and well the issue at hand is exactly that.

But it sucks because I'm pretty sure le best friend had a different girl in his sights. Ughhh. I'm pissed really, and jealous at the fact that he got more time with her. I'm pissed because despite being "loyal" he's now trying his hand at another girl (not literally :)) ). Also, it happened when we were on the road to drunkeness. Which would be alright except we both remember everything that goes on even when we're drunk.

I have really no idea how to go through with this anymore... at least right now. I wonder how I can ruin their date on Saturday :)) I refuse to go back to FB to check out what he just PM'ed me. I'm still pissed. I'm still agit.

I think I need a shower. Yeah. Dinner then shower. Gah. Don't know what to do :/

After rereading post update:
Pretty sure there's no need to be upset over a date. But I'm still jealous. Definitely :)) Not a first. But it's been so long since I've found a girl I was willing to be stupid for. It's been so long since I've found a girl I found attractive and just a chat away. It's been so long since I've had a crush on a friend. And the guy who's in my way is my best friend! *sigh* Well it's not over yet. Still freaking agit tho.

High School Hormones?

You know when you think she's the one? And then you think she's the one? And then oooh she's the one as well? :)) Or is this how college hormones are? xD Good thing I have some sort of self-preservation mechanism which stops me from doing stupid things at the wrong time. It's not foolproof but it's there!

"suicide??"

If I try my best and fail a class because I was given two difficult classes at the same time, can I blame them for my failure if I could have taken one of the two difficult classes in the previous semester? That's not considering the other subjects I will be enlisted in. So... is this suicide?

OH GAHD. Other than getting the difficult Bio I should have taken last semester, I also got the difficult Biochemistry Bio subject O: So... Bio 102 is hard mode and then a Chem 40 new game ++.

Here's to no failure! This means no games for a while too :( oh well hahahahuhuhu T-T

This needs a long one.

So... all my matches today were losses. Considering I've only played this heroes once or twice it'd be fine. Except, everybody else seems to get the hang of their hero like right off the bat. It's like I refuse to learn. I don't know what to do, but I'm sure that if I want to play the hero, I've got to test them a bit more. It'll be fun, kinda. Maybe, not really. Actually, yeah it probably will be. But lots of hurt right now. Not for failing to learn so fast, but failing my team these games. Huhuhu. Learn Learn Learn. Need More Practice.