Nerves

I don't know what made me think of this post, but I guess this is probably a great time to post this. It's the last day of January and these first few posts will be lost in archives forever! (Unless you actually go and look up stuff in archives and that's not exactly the most productive fun thing to do.)

Because this is a blog I'm going to make it very anonymous. So for all intents and purposes let's call the next person I'm going to introduce, A. (and I'm M. See? It makes sense).

So A, is a really pretty girl. She's so pretty that I can never seem to muster up the courage to say hi. (or when I do it ends up a failure, like the next thing you're going to find out). A week ago, I asked her to go to Prom with me. Yes, I'm still in high school, although whoever is reading this blog (if any at all), already knows that. But since I'm trying to remain anonymous, YES, I am just a High Schooler. So, I go up to her and I ask her out of nowhere. Like seriously, on impulse, I ask her. So for awhile she ponders, "how do I say this gently?" Haha. Yes. I don't think she was contemplating whether to say Yes or No, she just didn't know how to say no. I don't exactly know her that I "could" ask her to prom as friend, so I didn't mind really (or did I?).

How I asked her WAS really pathetic. No flowers, no chocolates, no signs, no nothing. I went up to her with a paper rose I made that morning, and I asked her. I was supposed to ask the day after but that time, there weren't a lot of people around. And you know me, I don't like being judged, so I thought it was the perfect time to just "ask".

Apparently, I asked at a bad time or something (I didn't try to ask my friends there, what they were talking about before I asked her [Yes, I'm not a gossipy person]). I want to find out though what it was that made it a totally bad time, but I'm still too ashamed. No, I'm not a shamed of asking her. No, I'm not ashamed of getting that 'No'. I'm ashamed because I could have done better. Maybe I should have asked her the day after, or maybe I shouldn't have tried to ask at all. But the point is, I should have really put some effort into asking her. Now I feel bad not because "Oh, I went to all that trouble and all I got was a No...", I felt bad because "Wow, that was crap. I'm never going to show my face to her ever again."

So A, if you're reading this, (I hope you aren't, 'cause you'll probably judge me as someone who has no guts to say this to you in person [well actually anyone who's reading this would judge me that way]) I really am sorry. Not because I asked you, or maybe you feel bad because you said 'No', don't because that was really stupid, what I did (I'd say No to me too). I'm sorry I didn't do the best I could have done. And to all other readers out there (if I have any readers at all) don't judge A as a bad person. A probably is really nice. And she REALLY is very pretty.