Writing Prompt 1?

I don't know how to handle people who push me away.

If you won't let me stay, at least let me know why.

"I don't trust you so much. Haha. Sorry."

It's not about me. I'm here for you, not me. Not because I like you, but because you're my friend. At least, you were my friend, and I just want that back. If I can't, then I want to at least understand. So I won't let it happen again. So that everything we've been through, won't be for nothing.

I miss talking to you, I really do. And I deserve the distrust; I don't deserve forgiveness. Not yet, no. But that's what I'm working towards...

If you'd let me.

Bingsu Trigger.

"Patbingsu is a Korean shaved ice dessert with sweet toppings such as chopped fruit, condensed milk, fruit syrup, and Azuki beans. The snack is highly popular in Korea. The food originally began as ice shavings with red bean paste." (Wikipedia retrieved 7 September 2016)

I don't recall how it exactly started but between the exchanges of "Hey, are you okay?" and that damn single parenthesis smiley emoticon, we went out and had shaved ice. Disguised as a "reading session" we went out on a date. At this point, I have no idea if I want to post this so I'll label it as Will Never See the Light of Day for now.

"We don't talk anymore like we used to do~"

I miss the "dings" that messenger makes that make me hope it was you on the other end. I just wanna write this to say the sorry I never said out loud (or rather, the sorry you brushed off (well that's how it looked like to me anyway (okay, too many nested ()'s))) or rather, the sorry you seemingly brushed off. I'm sorry I didn't realize I had that option. I'm sorry I'm not good at waiting. I'm sorry I forgot to do the one thing I could have done during Christmas break...

Press Send.

Logistically Compatible.

A tangent line. Closer and closer it goes to meet the curve. They meet once and after passing, they drift apart never to meet again.

I'd like to say apologize to my friends who expected better of me, who I disappointed, who were made to believe I could do it. I apologize to everyone who told me so, especially to those who told me to just do it.

My bad XD

I was a fool XD

Walls of Text Incoming.

So how do we find out if we're on Earth 1 or 2? Does it even matter? I made a theory with some of my friends quite some time ago regarding the existence of another Earth. We proposed that there are 2 Earths and that everytime we deplete the current Earth we're living on, all those from a certain generation and younger migrate to the other Earth and those are the only people who know that we've migrated. Let's say it's our generation who moves to the other Earth, we the 90's kids who moved to other Earth can now choose our starting year. I personally propose that Year 1 be 1990 so that we can "relive" our 90's.

So what are the real implications of this theory. I don't actually remember because I've been rambling for a while now. Really, I've forgotten what I was supposed to talk about. All the sci-fi stuff and all that. Meh. Next topic I guess?

I wanna write something that I'll be remembered for. I wanna write a book someday. Someday soon maybe.

I don't really outline the things I start writing about on this blog so I just start to type whatever comes into my mind next. Oh I know let's talk about the state of my love affairs!

Well, there's really nothing to talk about. I keep saying I'm not looking for a relationship, so I guess that could be a reason why I'm not getting into any. Sorry, I meant why no one wants to be in a relationship with me. It makes me, unlikable maybe. Like it's a passive aura I exude.

But I don't really know, maybe no one likes me that way right now. And that's fine. But I keep on wondering, keep on making up stories in my head, about how I'll meet her. Even, stories that maybe perhaps I've already met her. You know, instead of like fanfic, realfic? Like fiction of the reality of things, nothing sci-fi or fantasy, just what if stories. Of course I can't share these stories because it involves people I know, and that'd be awkward, and because I can't properly describe and supposedly think like the characters I use in these stories.

What I'm saying is, I don't fall for the people I make up stories about, I fall for the way I portray them in my mind. Falling in love with the memory is not falling in love with the person, or something like that.

AND BESIDES, True Love is a choice. The act of choosing your love is the evidence of love. Why do you love her? I dunno. But I do. Because I chose her so I love her. It' goes around in a circle I guess.

Someday I'll realize my choice. Someday. For now I choose just playing around and living my life in pleasure and in pain.

Romance and lifelong commitments can wait.

Persistence and Routine.

"Ang ganda niya. Ang ganda talaga niya."

"She's so pretty. She's so very pretty."

That's how I convinced myself back in first year and it's been a hard habit to break. I still can't find anyone who made me feel that way; who made me compliment the wind every single time.

Except I have. I have found persons who made me compliment the wind every single time. I have been finding persons all the time. Except I stop myself. What if she's not the one?

And so I never try. And so I never find out. And so I never found out.

Love is a choice. I'm not ready to love right now, is what I'm saying right now. And so not ready I shall be.

Motivations.

I have no idea why I made that word my title.

Whatever they are, it's probably not love right now :))

Huh.

I still exist to you.

But I doubt you're any more interested than you were the night we met.

Can I change that though?

Do I want to do that right now?

Coffee more bro :))

Unexpected late night hello :))

I wish you knew and I wish I wouldn't have to guess.

But where's the fun in that? :))

I shall work on my looks and my physique some other time. For now it's time to prevent another trip to the far away land of DOST.

Handle-edged sword.

D... D... Do I fit that description? o.o Oh gahd.

If you only knew

Who am I talking to though? o.o

Also, I think. I think. I think... I may have gotten a girl's number :)) Will update when I wake up.
I should probably study after updating :))

To chat or not to chat?

She's online. So I should probably chat her up right?
I have two exams tomorrow. So I should probably not chat her up right?
I didn't get to talk to her last Friday. So I should probably not not chat her up right?
I don't have anything in particular I want to talk about. So I should probably not not not chat her up right?

HALP PLOX.

"Wanna watch a movie instead?"

All of my usual chatmates are offline. Except for one. Is this a sign? I think I should undistract myself and go finish the powerpoint. :))

Kawaii T-T

That's the only thing I can't rant about on Twitter right now. Because she follows me :))

You never know what you want until something :))

I've always said I never liked chinky eyed girls... I was wrong :)) They've been the apple in my eyes lately apparently :)) Seriously I didn't notice until now. Is it true then? Is Love Blind? But then me seeing the truth would mean that I am no longer blind and therefore... no longer in love? O:

Anyway, also true for short haired girls, meaning I thought I didn't like them xD Though in this case the "Oh, she looks great with that hairstyle" clause is more to blame.

Count that I can remember: 2 Crushes and 2 Happy Crushes so far.

GAG;hesalk etwae4 2

l;kx zasj  ajsjgj;sad tg

And I'm back. OMG. I have so much frustration that I haven't released in a long long while and now I'm on my tipping point. Like seriously. I can't seem to talk to anyone because I refuse to do any backstabbing. This shouldn't count right, because... It's online. And I'm anonymous. And I'm not telling any specific person. Or something like that :))

I think my next move should be to chat her up rin :)) But I don't want to do it right now because he's chatting her up right now. I'm not not chatting her up right now because I want her for myself really, I'm not not chatting her up because he's still my friend and I should still be a wingman :))

Support role activate. I should only deny opposing heroes XP; I shan't deny my laning partner XP. T-T
Grarararararar. I don't even know where to place wards, or if it's even important to place wards. We might just be fighting bots. Gah. I thought he was on a different lane T-T

//Double-posting is a bad sign :))
//It's not even midnight yet xD

Agitated.

*gets off twitter and FB*

It seems no one can console me on any of those sites so I guess I'll be ranting here now :)) I can't exactly rant to le best friend because we're actually competing for the affection of the same girl and well the issue at hand is exactly that.

But it sucks because I'm pretty sure le best friend had a different girl in his sights. Ughhh. I'm pissed really, and jealous at the fact that he got more time with her. I'm pissed because despite being "loyal" he's now trying his hand at another girl (not literally :)) ). Also, it happened when we were on the road to drunkeness. Which would be alright except we both remember everything that goes on even when we're drunk.

I have really no idea how to go through with this anymore... at least right now. I wonder how I can ruin their date on Saturday :)) I refuse to go back to FB to check out what he just PM'ed me. I'm still pissed. I'm still agit.

I think I need a shower. Yeah. Dinner then shower. Gah. Don't know what to do :/

After rereading post update:
Pretty sure there's no need to be upset over a date. But I'm still jealous. Definitely :)) Not a first. But it's been so long since I've found a girl I was willing to be stupid for. It's been so long since I've found a girl I found attractive and just a chat away. It's been so long since I've had a crush on a friend. And the guy who's in my way is my best friend! *sigh* Well it's not over yet. Still freaking agit tho.

High School Hormones?

You know when you think she's the one? And then you think she's the one? And then oooh she's the one as well? :)) Or is this how college hormones are? xD Good thing I have some sort of self-preservation mechanism which stops me from doing stupid things at the wrong time. It's not foolproof but it's there!

I'm not a fan.

Not of you. Not anymore. I'm a friend definitely, so that's cool I guess. So what now?