There's a reason I'm still here.

It's 4:31 in the morning and I'm still up. Just finished a fifth of a gallon of ice cream (finished because it was literally what was left in the ice cream container). I'll probably be too scared to go downstairs to take care of my mess.

. . .

There's a reason I'm still here, in this same state, in what I perceive to be my comfort zone. It's not anyone else, it's me.

. . .

To be fair, I have seen change though, pretty novel changes to say the least. I've been enjoying my time too. New experiences, less new friends, just culling out the people who I want my circle of friends to include. Don't get me wrong, if you wanna be a part, they by all means please stay. But please, stay. I'll accept you if you keep coming back.

Er... this wasn't the point of this post. I'm just rambling again. Still my old ways. That's the problem isn't it?

. . .

Heh. Artistically Challenged.

Treading thin lines.

And Juggling Landmines.

I should put these lyrics into song :))

Writing Prompt 1?

I don't know how to handle people who push me away.

If you won't let me stay, at least let me know why.

Bingsu Trigger.

"Patbingsu is a Korean shaved ice dessert with sweet toppings such as chopped fruit, condensed milk, fruit syrup, and Azuki beans. The snack is highly popular in Korea. The food originally began as ice shavings with red bean paste." (Wikipedia retrieved 7 September 2016)

I don't recall how it exactly started but between the exchanges of "Hey, are you okay?" and that damn single parenthesis smiley emoticon, we went out and had shaved ice. Disguised as a "reading session" we went out on a date. At this point, I have no idea if I want to post this so I'll label it as Will Never See the Light of Day for now.

"We don't talk anymore like we used to do~"

I miss the "dings" that messenger makes that make me hope it was you on the other end. I just wanna write this to say the sorry I never said out loud (or rather, the sorry you brushed off (well that's how it looked like to me anyway (okay, too many nested ()'s))) or rather, the sorry you seemingly brushed off. I'm sorry I didn't realize I had that option. I'm sorry I'm not good at waiting. I'm sorry I forgot to do the one thing I could have done during Christmas break...

Press Send.

A Tale of Kellen the Adventurer

Going to start a solo dungeon crawl based on these rules:
http://rpg.brentnewhall.com/2011/12/3-dice-dungeon-a-solitaire-dungeon-crawl-game/

I'm going to chronicle this adventure; likely not a long adventure, but I'll do my best to narrate it well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since Kellen was a boy he knew he was destined for greatness. At an early age he was able to use his magical ability lighting candles from across the room, and even levitating his toys away to clean up (Spirit: 5). Even without his magic, he could take a punch, even outlasting the largest boy in his town during their test of strength (Body: 5). But his strongest asset was his ability to think up ways to get out of situations his magical or physical ability could not get him out of (Mind: 6). At the age of 18, he decided that a simple village life was not for him so Kellen decided to go on an adventure.

Body: 5, Mind: 6, Spirit: 5, XP: 0.

The following is a retelling of his first adventure.

(1,4,3)

Kellen gathered rumors of an abandoned dragon treasure hoard that was situated in a dungeon near town. He prepared his supplies that same night and at the break of dawn headed out through the forest. On the way, he happened upon a giant wondering about the path. He decided to set up a trap enough to distract the giant so he could pass it (Mind 6). Despite his careful preparation, his trap had sprung ahead of time. The giant had heard him and charged after him, excited at the prospect of prey to hunt. Kellen hurled a fireball at the giant (Spirit 2) and was able to hit him and dodge out of the way of the giant's charge. This time he aimed for the giant's eyes and shot another fireball (Spirit 2). The fire barely missed the giant's eyes but it had hit and distracted the giant enough for Kellen to get close and swing his sword (Body 2). His sword hit the giant's leg and as the giant was reeling back from the hit Kellen readied to attack another time (Body 4). He thrust his sword down onto the giant's foot finally finishing of the large creature for good. Upon searching the giant, Kellen found himself a magically enchanted sword. Sheathing it carefully, excited at the thoughts of creatures he would slay using this sword, he continued on his journey.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 5/6, S: 5/5, XP: 8/50.

(3 (1 exit),3,2)

While on the path, Kellen had heard a noise off to the west and decided to investigate. Upon further investigation, he had come up on a relatively large camp of ogres. He decided this was a good time to test out his newly found weapon and again prepared an ambush (Mind 3). This time, his stealth and cunning paid off and he was able to finish off one of the ogres slitting its throat with his dagger without alerting the others. Kellen decided to keep to this strategy (Mind 2) and finished off another ogre in the same way. Our hero, called to the last remaining ogre to lure it to the trap he prepared just a ways off(Mind 2). The ogre, as all ogres are, was not very smart and walked right into the pit whereupon Kellen was able to end its life using a fireball without much hassle. He searched the camp finding no notable treasure but decided to rest for a while before continuing on his journey.

B: 5 + 1/5, M: 6/6, S: 5/5, XP: 16/50.

(4 (1), 4, 4)

Trudging along through the forest, he was stopped upon seeing a rather large shadow move on the east side of the path. He was curious if perhaps another giant was around, and since he still hadn't tested out his new sword that this might be the time. What we saw though was a creature the size of a giant but made of metal instead of flesh. The large metal creature moved slowly but menacingly, and seemed to be patrolling the area. As Kellen looked from afar, he noticed that the metal giant was guarding a closed-off mine. When the creature turned its back Kellen fired a fireball at it (Spirit 4). Fortunately, the metal giant was large and easy to hit but the fireball had alerted it to his presence. He fired another as the creature turned towards him (Spirit 2) and the fire hit its torso. Kellen thought perhaps the best way to defeat a metal creature was not with a metal sword, so he skirted around the giant to flank it as best he could (Mind 5). Kellen dodged away from the giant as it ran into a tree and immediately retaliated. He fired two fireballs in quick succession hoping to end this battle once and for all (Spirit 2). The metal giant charged at Kellen once again, but his fireballs found their mark, engulfing the creature in an explosion destroying its head and torso. Since the immediate threat had been dealt with, Kellen investigated the mine entrance. Unfortunately, the mine was closed-off using a magic rune. Without such rune, opening the mine would be impossible. Kellen, disappointed that he could not explore the mine further, decided to scavenge through the metal giant's remains. As he sifted through the metal, he found a purple stone. It had a faint glow to it and as he touched it, he saw a symbol in his head. He realized this was the symbol of the rune he needed to open the mine, and was comforted with the fact that at the very least he knows what to look for to open the mine. Upon further pondering he decided the stone was also the reason why the inanimate metal giant would have gained some sort of sentience. Kellen satisfied with his mental exercise, pocketed the stone, and went back to the path, promising himself to return once he had found the rune.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 28/50.

(3 (3), 1, 1)

Kellen reached the end of the path and found several goblins in a large clearing. He quickly took care of the goblins (Spirit 2) using fireballs but regretted it as he was unable to loot their charred remains for anything useful. He then decided to explore west.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 33/50.

(3 (2), 1, 2)

Another large clearing was ahead of him stationed with more goblins. Kellen launched more fireballs (Spirit 1) and again dealt with the threat even quicker than before. However, he was more careful this time, and was able to preserve the bodies of the goblins enough to be able to loot their corpses. He found a vial containing some red fluid, which upon swirling shimmered slightly. He uncorked the vial, and tried to smell it. A peppermint-like smell emanated from the vial, stronger the more the contents are swirled. He realized he had found a Potion of Healing. He secured it in his pack and continued west.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 39/50, 1 Healing Potion.

(1, 5, 3)

Kellen saw a path into the forest at the end of the clearing. He was however, stopped by a large shadow that had passed over him. When he looked up, his eyes grew wide in awe of what he saw. A dragon was circling above the clearing preparing to land. Kellen dashed toward the forest path as fast as he could. But the dragon was faster, it had seen Kellen and swooped down landing between Kellen and the narrow forest path. It was a Green Dragon which had scars all across its body, and one particularly recent-looking wound on its face. Clearly, this dragon had recently been in a fight and had a history with winning most of those it gets into. Kellen decided perhaps the best course of action was to distract it enough for him to escape into the forest (Mind 5, 5, 4, 1, 6). Kellen slowly approached the dragon while talking about the majesty of the creature describing great battles the dragon must have won and great treasures he speculated the dragon had owned. The green dragon was certainly enjoying the praise and slowly letting its guard down. Unfortunately, upon the mention of treasure, it was angered. It squinted and stared right into Kellen's eyes. Kellen felt a foreign entity in his mind and realized that the dragon was trying to make him its slave. He continued to regale it with tales, approaching the dragon as if the mind control had no effect on him. Now face to face with he dragon, Kellen fell onto his knees. The green dragon content that his slave was already bowing without him issuing an order, decided to look more closely at his subject. As the dragon was nearing Kellen, Kellen whipped out his magical sword and stabbed at the creature's wound. The bowing had all been a trick (Mind 5). The dragon roared in pain and reeled back with the sword still in his cheek. The dragon charged angrily through the clearing seemingly trying to get enough speed to fly out as Kellen dodged out of its way. The green dragon tripped, fell, and skid along the grass of the large clearing. Kellen approached cautiously as the dragon twitched one last time and Kellen was finally able to reach the dragon's face. He pulled at his sword and watched as the dragon's blood dripped from it. The sword began to glow green; brighter and brighter it glowed, until Kellen had to shield his eyes. When the brightness slowly faded he looked at his sword, now no longer covered in blood as a faint green aura surrounded it. Kellen sheathed his sword satisfied with his recent victory and decided to make camp for the night.

B: 5 +2/5, M: 5 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 48/50, 1 Healing Potion.

(-. 2, 1)

Late into the night, Kellen was awakened by a sound. Fortunately, he was able to dodge out of the way before a goblin bashed his head in with a club. He quickly retaliated with a fireball (Spirit 3) and looked around for any more threats. At the corner of his eye, he noticed a moving shadow. He fired at the direction of the movement (Spirit 5). Kellen waited awhile for any further movement, but inferred that there were no further threats. As he was turning around, he was hit in the leg with a blunt object. A goblin had sneaked up behind him and hit him with its club. He drew his sword (Body 4) and quickly swiped at the goblin slaying it immediately. He waited and listened for a few minutes, not letting his guard down this time. Once he was satisfied, he went back to sleep.

B: 5 +2/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 6/6, XP: 51/50, 1 Healing Potion.

The sun rose and the bright new day awakened Kellen. He ate his breakfast then packed his things, thrilled at the thought of what today's day of adventuring would bring. He looked at the dead dragon that he had slain the day previous; it gave him confidence. Slaying a dragon on his first day as an adventurer, now there's surely nothing he wouldn't be able to beat, he thought to himself. Kellen gleefully marched west following the path at the end of the clearing. He continued on, excited for whatever lies ahead.

Body: 5/5, Mind: 6/6, Spirit 6/6, XP: 1, Level: 2
Items: 1 Healing Potion, +2 Magic Sword,
+1 Tome Stone of Enlightenment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Final thoughts:

• I should change the status reports to have the maximum displayed as well.
  (Went back and did that lol)
• Rolling 5,6,5 at the start made the adventure too easy but it was a good story I guess :))
• Maybe the Magic Swords and the Tomes of Enlightenment are supposed to make the adventure more difficult? +1 to rolls = bad, I used them as if they increased your threshold so instead of failing at 5 Kellen would have to roll 5 +1 (now +2) in Body to fail.
• Not sure if I'll continue this (at least using this system) or I'll be starting a new one in this system with a party. It's supposedly harder with a party because you'd have to share the loot and stuff.
• Overall, I'm happy with how this turned out :D This is what I imagine me playing DnD alone would look like. Maybe next time I'll play actual DnD and have dialogue too but who knows :))
• *"How to be a Black Mage" tag = How to be an Adventurer :))

Walls of Text Incoming.

So how do we find out if we're on Earth 1 or 2? Does it even matter? I made a theory with some of my friends quite some time ago regarding the existence of another Earth. We proposed that there are 2 Earths and that everytime we deplete the current Earth we're living on, all those from a certain generation and younger migrate to the other Earth and those are the only people who know that we've migrated. Let's say it's our generation who moves to the other Earth, we the 90's kids who moved to other Earth can now choose our starting year. I personally propose that Year 1 be 1990 so that we can "relive" our 90's.

So what are the real implications of this theory. I don't actually remember because I've been rambling for a while now. Really, I've forgotten what I was supposed to talk about. All the sci-fi stuff and all that. Meh. Next topic I guess?

I wanna write something that I'll be remembered for. I wanna write a book someday. Someday soon maybe.

I don't really outline the things I start writing about on this blog so I just start to type whatever comes into my mind next. Oh I know let's talk about the state of my love affairs!

Well, there's really nothing to talk about. I keep saying I'm not looking for a relationship, so I guess that could be a reason why I'm not getting into any. Sorry, I meant why no one wants to be in a relationship with me. It makes me, unlikable maybe. Like it's a passive aura I exude.

But I don't really know, maybe no one likes me that way right now. And that's fine. But I keep on wondering, keep on making up stories in my head, about how I'll meet her. Even, stories that maybe perhaps I've already met her. You know, instead of like fanfic, realfic? Like fiction of the reality of things, nothing sci-fi or fantasy, just what if stories. Of course I can't share these stories because it involves people I know, and that'd be awkward, and because I can't properly describe and supposedly think like the characters I use in these stories.

What I'm saying is, I don't fall for the people I make up stories about, I fall for the way I portray them in my mind. Falling in love with the memory is not falling in love with the person, or something like that.

AND BESIDES, True Love is a choice. The act of choosing your love is the evidence of love. Why do you love her? I dunno. But I do. Because I chose her so I love her. It' goes around in a circle I guess.

Someday I'll realize my choice. Someday. For now I choose just playing around and living my life in pleasure and in pain.

Romance and lifelong commitments can wait.

Ego.

The burden of being smart but not the smartest.

Persistence and Routine.

"Ang ganda niya. Ang ganda talaga niya."

"She's so pretty. She's so very pretty."

That's how I convinced myself back in first year and it's been a hard habit to break. I still can't find anyone who made me feel that way; who made me compliment the wind every single time.

Except I have. I have found persons who made me compliment the wind every single time. I have been finding persons all the time. Except I stop myself. What if she's not the one?

And so I never try. And so I never find out. And so I never found out.

Love is a choice. I'm not ready to love right now, is what I'm saying right now. And so not ready I shall be.

Click.

How do you let everyone know that you've let them all down?
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I'd really like to load a previous save file right now.
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I'd like to reroll my stats and reclass into a better student perhaps.
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.
I guess I should just move on and do better than I have before.

Yes. Even if only marginally better. Just a smidge better today. Then just a little bit better tomorrow.
I don't need to be looking for my restart button because there just isn't one.

I wish you knew and I wish I wouldn't have to guess.

But where's the fun in that? :))

I shall work on my looks and my physique some other time. For now it's time to prevent another trip to the far away land of DOST.

Handle-edged sword.

D... D... Do I fit that description? o.o Oh gahd.

To chat or not to chat?

She's online. So I should probably chat her up right?
I have two exams tomorrow. So I should probably not chat her up right?
I didn't get to talk to her last Friday. So I should probably not not chat her up right?
I don't have anything in particular I want to talk about. So I should probably not not not chat her up right?

HALP PLOX.

GAG;hesalk etwae4 2

l;kx zasj  ajsjgj;sad tg

And I'm back. OMG. I have so much frustration that I haven't released in a long long while and now I'm on my tipping point. Like seriously. I can't seem to talk to anyone because I refuse to do any backstabbing. This shouldn't count right, because... It's online. And I'm anonymous. And I'm not telling any specific person. Or something like that :))

I think my next move should be to chat her up rin :)) But I don't want to do it right now because he's chatting her up right now. I'm not not chatting her up right now because I want her for myself really, I'm not not chatting her up because he's still my friend and I should still be a wingman :))

Support role activate. I should only deny opposing heroes XP; I shan't deny my laning partner XP. T-T
Grarararararar. I don't even know where to place wards, or if it's even important to place wards. We might just be fighting bots. Gah. I thought he was on a different lane T-T

//Double-posting is a bad sign :))
//It's not even midnight yet xD

Chem Gaming-ish.

All girls have good angles, but life is about looking for the girl who looks good in all angles.

That's kinda superficial I guess but because of the latter clause it well hm...

Look, the one you'll eventually find will no longer need to be all...

Let's say you have a checklist. That one person you'll find... the checklist doesn't matter. That one person will just be...

I'm not doing well explaining this. This is kinda awkward now...

Also, contradictions will follow. Er... She will have flaws. But she will... look good anyway o.o
Hm... no contradiction there apparently xD So yeah! Go find that one person.

"Hey look! It's that ONE guy!" -Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, some bystander referring to Matthew Pattel. At least that's what I remember xD Also, references the fact that Pattel is the first evil ex :-bd Bam! Movie Triva!

//Cramming studying for BioChem Long Exam tomorrow. But once again not feeling the pressure. I guess subconsciously, I'm know I'm going to pass, or even do well. But how well really depends on what I do right now. So yeah, back to studying :D (Yes, I've been studying already :-bd Yey for progess!)

Dear Internet Connection.

Thank you. I just can't believe how fast you've grown. I'm just so impressed. Just thank you. Though you may be the primary "distraction" in my life, I just have to say, I'm here writing today because of you.

-BMM

What the Hell Hero?!

Because TVTropes + Exam the next day = Title.
TVTropes + Chem Exam = WTFH.
...
Yes. Yes I am. Why? Magic's pretty good. Actually it's incredible :p

What the Chocolate.

Ugh... I'm up. Again. Again again.

And I don't have any food to get me through the night this time. And I have no idea how to discuss an experiment without results. Well I have an idea. But it's so stupid it just might work.

And that damn chocolate bar. The Universe is against me in a sense that it doesn't want me to have my way with things. The rehearsals in my head don't work, rather, nothing ever goes like how I rehearsed them. Just the Universe telling me, I can't run my world. Not exactly, how I want it to be. I think I had a chance but it was different from what I had expected so I didn't take it and the chocolate is melted and so I gave it away. And I feel horribad because I tried and failed again. Don't know what ever gave me the idea there was a chance of success... but I guess that's why we try don't we? To find out our chances. Maybe the RNG was not with me that time, or the Universe... or the the Universe and the RNG is the same thing and yeah the odds were not in my favor. Or they made me believe I didn't have the odds so un-action occurred.

Now I'm rehearsing again. That same scene, except with the circumstances that presented itself then. Except I can't perform it because its moment had already happened. I'm hoping some alternate Universe Maki has the better part of the stick on this flip coin (lol because.) and so yeah.

It's time I took a break from this break and have myself a Kit... Chem. I should do my Chem.

//RNG = Random Number Generator. Usually determines critical hits and evasion. And other rolls.

What if

my concern for other people's well being is just to keep myself occupied until I wanted to do what I needed to do, and my recent lack of people connection pushes me to stay up on the internet longer and farther from what I usually do, so that by now I'm so far, I'm no longer "concerned" for others but at the same time more procrastinated or something like that?

That is, lying to others and myself that I'm concerned is the lesser evil compared to my own personal pursuits online with respect to my ability to do work earlier.

Except... I really shouldn't be too much into others problems if I haven't solved my own. So yeah, I guess that's something.

But I'm sure I'm actually concerned, it's just that when I turned on my Hopeless Romantic Phase, I accidentally triggered my cynicism too. Another reason to turn that off :))

//... Un-activate! Boop!

Stahp :))

I always find that spelling funny :))

Though seriously! Stahp creativity xD Need logic or at least science-y stuff right now not creative stuff xD I'm willing to sacrifice one report if it helps study up for my lecture exam. IF. I don't think it will. So I won't sacrifice. Also the theme of the next thing I will write will be why the boy does not sleep. Yeah. Excuses story. I like fiction :3

Clutter.

If there were something wrong, I'd tell you.
Since there's nothing wrong, what would I tell you?

Nothing. I can only tell you nothing.

Questions from you come and I don't have answers. So I answer I don't know. But maybe the right answer is just nothing. There was nothing to know and I knew that it was nothing so the answer shouldn't have been I don't know but nothing.

Well, that wasn't the argument anyway. You acknowledged my scholarship, you acknowledged my lack of vices, it's just that the cleanliness... then the waking up at the right time.

I know what to do. I know how to do it. I sometimes wish I didn't. I don't want to be labeled smart or intelligent, because those labels come with responsibilities, hell, all labels come with responsibilities.

Maybe I don't want that. I don't want responsibilities. Honestly, I just don't want anyone to think of me as their responsibility. I don't want to hinder anyone's growth because they're stuck worrying about me.

While we're switching topics randomly, let's have a go at this one. You know how it's unfair that your parents are cramming and you're cramming and they're telling you to not cram. I think the term is hyprocrisy? Anyway, well I figured out why it has to be this way. The previous generation is just trying to better the next generation. All the things they've done we're now doing and they're trying to prevent it from happening to us. Honestly, I don't know how I should react to this, whether to go with the flow, to be changed for the better, or to go against it, and be stubborn and remain the same.

That's it then! When faced with adversities, the instinct is to fight back. I don't want to, but I do. I don't mean to not do the things you tell me to do, it just looks something I have to fight against, anything that interferes with my easy going lifestyle is bad. It's something I can rebel against so I do.

I'm sorry for that.

I want to clean up my room, my life... and I will.



Cooling off now. I like blogging because it helps me get what I can't say out. That's probably why my voice cracks up when I do confessions because I'm not used to them being oral confessions. Also I guess the things you say did hurt because I knew they were true. I really do want to be better, hell, I want to be the best that ever was. But cleanliness is not the top priority for me. I get to cleaning around stuff. The laptop's desktop is clean, my pokeboxes are kinda clean, my schoolbags are organized-ish, my clothes are compartmentalized. It's just the table. That damn table that people can see. Really, it's all about appearances. If no one can see your good works, who can say you did good?

Let me give an opposing theory too, what if because you can see the mess it channels through your work. So messy scenery equal messy work. Hm... maybe if there were a study I would believe that. One more thing, I seem to like rules, or proof, or evidence. I just wanted to point that out.

Well thanks blogger. Hope my mom never sees this. I really ought to clean up my table now. Gahhhhhhhhhh. Fine! I'll do it. I can't go to the bowling later though because I don't want to anymore. And I won't go to the trick-or-treat tomorrow either because I didn't fix my costume in time and because currently I don't want to. And yeah live in the now, enjoy time right now. Your future is decided by your now anyway so why worry about the future. Actually screw that, don't worry about anything at all. Just do your stuff. Do it. All of it. But then more stuff comes. When will I be able to play until forever?

//END.

PS. I also like records of things that's why messy is nice. Messy means I was there, it means I've left a mark. BLAH BLAH Cleanliness can do that too -_-"