Walls of Text Incoming.

So how do we find out if we're on Earth 1 or 2? Does it even matter? I made a theory with some of my friends quite some time ago regarding the existence of another Earth. We proposed that there are 2 Earths and that everytime we deplete the current Earth we're living on, all those from a certain generation and younger migrate to the other Earth and those are the only people who know that we've migrated. Let's say it's our generation who moves to the other Earth, we the 90's kids who moved to other Earth can now choose our starting year. I personally propose that Year 1 be 1990 so that we can "relive" our 90's.

So what are the real implications of this theory. I don't actually remember because I've been rambling for a while now. Really, I've forgotten what I was supposed to talk about. All the sci-fi stuff and all that. Meh. Next topic I guess?

I wanna write something that I'll be remembered for. I wanna write a book someday. Someday soon maybe.

I don't really outline the things I start writing about on this blog so I just start to type whatever comes into my mind next. Oh I know let's talk about the state of my love affairs!

Well, there's really nothing to talk about. I keep saying I'm not looking for a relationship, so I guess that could be a reason why I'm not getting into any. Sorry, I meant why no one wants to be in a relationship with me. It makes me, unlikable maybe. Like it's a passive aura I exude.

But I don't really know, maybe no one likes me that way right now. And that's fine. But I keep on wondering, keep on making up stories in my head, about how I'll meet her. Even, stories that maybe perhaps I've already met her. You know, instead of like fanfic, realfic? Like fiction of the reality of things, nothing sci-fi or fantasy, just what if stories. Of course I can't share these stories because it involves people I know, and that'd be awkward, and because I can't properly describe and supposedly think like the characters I use in these stories.

What I'm saying is, I don't fall for the people I make up stories about, I fall for the way I portray them in my mind. Falling in love with the memory is not falling in love with the person, or something like that.

AND BESIDES, True Love is a choice. The act of choosing your love is the evidence of love. Why do you love her? I dunno. But I do. Because I chose her so I love her. It' goes around in a circle I guess.

Someday I'll realize my choice. Someday. For now I choose just playing around and living my life in pleasure and in pain.

Romance and lifelong commitments can wait.

Ego.

The burden of being smart but not the smartest.

Persistence and Routine.

"Ang ganda niya. Ang ganda talaga niya."

"She's so pretty. She's so very pretty."

That's how I convinced myself back in first year and it's been a hard habit to break. I still can't find anyone who made me feel that way; who made me compliment the wind every single time.

Except I have. I have found persons who made me compliment the wind every single time. I have been finding persons all the time. Except I stop myself. What if she's not the one?

And so I never try. And so I never find out. And so I never found out.

Love is a choice. I'm not ready to love right now, is what I'm saying right now. And so not ready I shall be.

Go Hero, Save the World.

No idea why I titled this as such but that's what the view makes me feel like saying. This home for at least 6 months. This view for at least 6 months. Most likely even more.

This is an opportunity really. But it is still change. And change, is scary.

Motivations.

I have no idea why I made that word my title.

Whatever they are, it's probably not love right now :))

Just leaving this here.

At least, for a little bit more.

I just wanna write stuff right now. Well, type stuff. Whatever. I just want my thoughts out tonight. I don't wanna bother anyone right now because I don't feel like it's a time to bother people right now. I'm resisting the urge to chat so many people tonight; I've impressed myself really. People are online right now, but I don't want to bother myself by bothering them (if that makes sense).

What do I want to get out of my system? I find myself lacking in physical contact I think. I haven't hugged my mom recently. I should do that soon especially with my mom leaving at the end of the month. It's from my mom I really get my fix for hugs. Yeah, time I've given and received is not lacking.

I think my Magic mania has finally died down a bit, to give way to org stuff and supposedly more importantly, academics. I still really want to go look for cards to buy, because it'll help me grow my collection and because I want to spend. Buying things for oneself is really satisfying, I think. I should cut down on my expenses though because I don't my scholarship privileges this semester. I have some saved up though, so that's a great emergency plan.

I really wanna stop my search, well not stop, more like put it on hiatus, my search for love. But I really want my hug or even my holding hands fix. I can't seem to find anyone on my radar recently, so I've decided to go on hiatus I guess.

I discovered a question while talking with a friend, "Are girls oblivious to the fact that they are making guys hope?" I guess it could be asked of all people but a certain girl was our topic. I don't know the answer possibly because I am oblivious to this possible power that humans possess. Which really concludes to a "Yes" I guess. Which sucks, I guess. At least for the overthinkers and feelers. Regarding overthinkers, you can never know if you're overthinking or you're on the right track because you love open options. And all possibilities are plausible until one is taken.

I should probably go to bed soon. Maybe this could be my wind down activity. Writing... and stuff. I don't ever want to sleep in class again but I still don't have a foolproof reason. Honestly, it's my ego which makes me justify my sleeping in class. "Eh, I can catch up later." "Nothing cramming can't handle." "Lol, I'm me." I appreciate the ego boosts but most times I'd rather have the push in the better direction which is humility really. I'd like to be able to do Bio, if not for my love of learning, but to do it without feeling the need for my accomplishments to be recognized. Achievements are probably what keeps me playing, they give a sense of fulfillment, which is a really great feeling.

But I must drop my gaming this semester. New 3DS? Not this sem. Not yet. Also, probably why it's a good thing I don't have stipends this sem. The reason I'm scared of dropping gaming is that I might make it habit to NOT game which really means one thing essentially.

"I don't want to grow up. Not yet."

I'm not ready. Change is coming though. It scares me but I'm hoping I'll be thankful after all this.

Until the next one.

//so like Journal style now?
//for cataloging memories?