Thick Skin

First time (and probably last time) to post from mobile. Spell checker makes it so much easier though.

I'm just sick today and I promised mom I wouldn't use my laptop so now I'm here. I didn't want to tweet because I didn't want anyone to worry but I wanted to get things off my chest.

I guess I'm just saying it hurts. Things you say; it's hard to discern intent through text. I'm not a writer so maybe I'm just not good at that.

(I'm really hoping you're not reading this. I love you so much. Please don't think I want to give up on us. I just want to rant without bothering anyone.)

It's kind of difficult for me to say things about this because it's a rather sensitive topic nowadays. People who get depressed are a handful, but I knew that committing to this. I have friends who get depressed and I'm here for them, too. And since depression is a health issue, of course those in better health are supposed to take care of those in need of help. Just like right now, I feel super bad because of my sore throat so my parents, who are healthy, are taking care of me. I just wanna ask the question though, are depressed people accountable for what they say during their depressive episodes? Maybe it's just cause I'm sick right now, but I feel extra bad knowing I can't help you through it right now. It hurts me, but especially now, to read about what you feel. I want you to feel good, to feel better, but you make it sound so hopeless all the time. I don't want to raise this question because it's such a sensitive topic and I don't want you to feel guilty I feel this way. But it's just so hard. Do they need to apologize to people they've hurt during their depressive issues?

Does thick skin help against words you read or only against words you hear?

There's a reason I'm still here.

It's 4:31 in the morning and I'm still up. Just finished a fifth of a gallon of ice cream (finished because it was literally what was left in the ice cream container). I'll probably be too scared to go downstairs to take care of my mess.

. . .

There's a reason I'm still here, in this same state, in what I perceive to be my comfort zone. It's not anyone else, it's me.

. . .

To be fair, I have seen change though, pretty novel changes to say the least. I've been enjoying my time too. New experiences, less new friends, just culling out the people who I want my circle of friends to include. Don't get me wrong, if you wanna be a part, they by all means please stay. But please, stay. I'll accept you if you keep coming back.

Er... this wasn't the point of this post. I'm just rambling again. Still my old ways. That's the problem isn't it?

. . .

Heh. Artistically Challenged.

Treading thin lines.

And Juggling Landmines.

I should put these lyrics into song :))

Writing Prompt 1?

I don't know how to handle people who push me away.

If you won't let me stay, at least let me know why.

"I don't trust you so much. Haha. Sorry."

It's not about me. I'm here for you, not me. Not because I like you, but because you're my friend. At least, you were my friend, and I just want that back. If I can't, then I want to at least understand. So I won't let it happen again. So that everything we've been through, won't be for nothing.

I miss talking to you, I really do. And I deserve the distrust; I don't deserve forgiveness. Not yet, no. But that's what I'm working towards...

If you'd let me.

Bingsu Trigger.

"Patbingsu is a Korean shaved ice dessert with sweet toppings such as chopped fruit, condensed milk, fruit syrup, and Azuki beans. The snack is highly popular in Korea. The food originally began as ice shavings with red bean paste." (Wikipedia retrieved 7 September 2016)

I don't recall how it exactly started but between the exchanges of "Hey, are you okay?" and that damn single parenthesis smiley emoticon, we went out and had shaved ice. Disguised as a "reading session" we went out on a date. At this point, I have no idea if I want to post this so I'll label it as Will Never See the Light of Day for now.

"We don't talk anymore like we used to do~"

I miss the "dings" that messenger makes that make me hope it was you on the other end. I just wanna write this to say the sorry I never said out loud (or rather, the sorry you brushed off (well that's how it looked like to me anyway (okay, too many nested ()'s))) or rather, the sorry you seemingly brushed off. I'm sorry I didn't realize I had that option. I'm sorry I'm not good at waiting. I'm sorry I forgot to do the one thing I could have done during Christmas break...

Press Send.

A Tale of Kellen the Adventurer

Going to start a solo dungeon crawl based on these rules:
http://rpg.brentnewhall.com/2011/12/3-dice-dungeon-a-solitaire-dungeon-crawl-game/

I'm going to chronicle this adventure; likely not a long adventure, but I'll do my best to narrate it well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since Kellen was a boy he knew he was destined for greatness. At an early age he was able to use his magical ability lighting candles from across the room, and even levitating his toys away to clean up (Spirit: 5). Even without his magic, he could take a punch, even outlasting the largest boy in his town during their test of strength (Body: 5). But his strongest asset was his ability to think up ways to get out of situations his magical or physical ability could not get him out of (Mind: 6). At the age of 18, he decided that a simple village life was not for him so Kellen decided to go on an adventure.

Body: 5, Mind: 6, Spirit: 5, XP: 0.

The following is a retelling of his first adventure.

(1,4,3)

Kellen gathered rumors of an abandoned dragon treasure hoard that was situated in a dungeon near town. He prepared his supplies that same night and at the break of dawn headed out through the forest. On the way, he happened upon a giant wondering about the path. He decided to set up a trap enough to distract the giant so he could pass it (Mind 6). Despite his careful preparation, his trap had sprung ahead of time. The giant had heard him and charged after him, excited at the prospect of prey to hunt. Kellen hurled a fireball at the giant (Spirit 2) and was able to hit him and dodge out of the way of the giant's charge. This time he aimed for the giant's eyes and shot another fireball (Spirit 2). The fire barely missed the giant's eyes but it had hit and distracted the giant enough for Kellen to get close and swing his sword (Body 2). His sword hit the giant's leg and as the giant was reeling back from the hit Kellen readied to attack another time (Body 4). He thrust his sword down onto the giant's foot finally finishing of the large creature for good. Upon searching the giant, Kellen found himself a magically enchanted sword. Sheathing it carefully, excited at the thoughts of creatures he would slay using this sword, he continued on his journey.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 5/6, S: 5/5, XP: 8/50.

(3 (1 exit),3,2)

While on the path, Kellen had heard a noise off to the west and decided to investigate. Upon further investigation, he had come up on a relatively large camp of ogres. He decided this was a good time to test out his newly found weapon and again prepared an ambush (Mind 3). This time, his stealth and cunning paid off and he was able to finish off one of the ogres slitting its throat with his dagger without alerting the others. Kellen decided to keep to this strategy (Mind 2) and finished off another ogre in the same way. Our hero, called to the last remaining ogre to lure it to the trap he prepared just a ways off(Mind 2). The ogre, as all ogres are, was not very smart and walked right into the pit whereupon Kellen was able to end its life using a fireball without much hassle. He searched the camp finding no notable treasure but decided to rest for a while before continuing on his journey.

B: 5 + 1/5, M: 6/6, S: 5/5, XP: 16/50.

(4 (1), 4, 4)

Trudging along through the forest, he was stopped upon seeing a rather large shadow move on the east side of the path. He was curious if perhaps another giant was around, and since he still hadn't tested out his new sword that this might be the time. What we saw though was a creature the size of a giant but made of metal instead of flesh. The large metal creature moved slowly but menacingly, and seemed to be patrolling the area. As Kellen looked from afar, he noticed that the metal giant was guarding a closed-off mine. When the creature turned its back Kellen fired a fireball at it (Spirit 4). Fortunately, the metal giant was large and easy to hit but the fireball had alerted it to his presence. He fired another as the creature turned towards him (Spirit 2) and the fire hit its torso. Kellen thought perhaps the best way to defeat a metal creature was not with a metal sword, so he skirted around the giant to flank it as best he could (Mind 5). Kellen dodged away from the giant as it ran into a tree and immediately retaliated. He fired two fireballs in quick succession hoping to end this battle once and for all (Spirit 2). The metal giant charged at Kellen once again, but his fireballs found their mark, engulfing the creature in an explosion destroying its head and torso. Since the immediate threat had been dealt with, Kellen investigated the mine entrance. Unfortunately, the mine was closed-off using a magic rune. Without such rune, opening the mine would be impossible. Kellen, disappointed that he could not explore the mine further, decided to scavenge through the metal giant's remains. As he sifted through the metal, he found a purple stone. It had a faint glow to it and as he touched it, he saw a symbol in his head. He realized this was the symbol of the rune he needed to open the mine, and was comforted with the fact that at the very least he knows what to look for to open the mine. Upon further pondering he decided the stone was also the reason why the inanimate metal giant would have gained some sort of sentience. Kellen satisfied with his mental exercise, pocketed the stone, and went back to the path, promising himself to return once he had found the rune.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 28/50.

(3 (3), 1, 1)

Kellen reached the end of the path and found several goblins in a large clearing. He quickly took care of the goblins (Spirit 2) using fireballs but regretted it as he was unable to loot their charred remains for anything useful. He then decided to explore west.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 33/50.

(3 (2), 1, 2)

Another large clearing was ahead of him stationed with more goblins. Kellen launched more fireballs (Spirit 1) and again dealt with the threat even quicker than before. However, he was more careful this time, and was able to preserve the bodies of the goblins enough to be able to loot their corpses. He found a vial containing some red fluid, which upon swirling shimmered slightly. He uncorked the vial, and tried to smell it. A peppermint-like smell emanated from the vial, stronger the more the contents are swirled. He realized he had found a Potion of Healing. He secured it in his pack and continued west.

B: 5 +1/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 39/50, 1 Healing Potion.

(1, 5, 3)

Kellen saw a path into the forest at the end of the clearing. He was however, stopped by a large shadow that had passed over him. When he looked up, his eyes grew wide in awe of what he saw. A dragon was circling above the clearing preparing to land. Kellen dashed toward the forest path as fast as he could. But the dragon was faster, it had seen Kellen and swooped down landing between Kellen and the narrow forest path. It was a Green Dragon which had scars all across its body, and one particularly recent-looking wound on its face. Clearly, this dragon had recently been in a fight and had a history with winning most of those it gets into. Kellen decided perhaps the best course of action was to distract it enough for him to escape into the forest (Mind 5, 5, 4, 1, 6). Kellen slowly approached the dragon while talking about the majesty of the creature describing great battles the dragon must have won and great treasures he speculated the dragon had owned. The green dragon was certainly enjoying the praise and slowly letting its guard down. Unfortunately, upon the mention of treasure, it was angered. It squinted and stared right into Kellen's eyes. Kellen felt a foreign entity in his mind and realized that the dragon was trying to make him its slave. He continued to regale it with tales, approaching the dragon as if the mind control had no effect on him. Now face to face with he dragon, Kellen fell onto his knees. The green dragon content that his slave was already bowing without him issuing an order, decided to look more closely at his subject. As the dragon was nearing Kellen, Kellen whipped out his magical sword and stabbed at the creature's wound. The bowing had all been a trick (Mind 5). The dragon roared in pain and reeled back with the sword still in his cheek. The dragon charged angrily through the clearing seemingly trying to get enough speed to fly out as Kellen dodged out of its way. The green dragon tripped, fell, and skid along the grass of the large clearing. Kellen approached cautiously as the dragon twitched one last time and Kellen was finally able to reach the dragon's face. He pulled at his sword and watched as the dragon's blood dripped from it. The sword began to glow green; brighter and brighter it glowed, until Kellen had to shield his eyes. When the brightness slowly faded he looked at his sword, now no longer covered in blood as a faint green aura surrounded it. Kellen sheathed his sword satisfied with his recent victory and decided to make camp for the night.

B: 5 +2/5, M: 5 +1/6, S: 5/5, XP: 48/50, 1 Healing Potion.

(-. 2, 1)

Late into the night, Kellen was awakened by a sound. Fortunately, he was able to dodge out of the way before a goblin bashed his head in with a club. He quickly retaliated with a fireball (Spirit 3) and looked around for any more threats. At the corner of his eye, he noticed a moving shadow. He fired at the direction of the movement (Spirit 5). Kellen waited awhile for any further movement, but inferred that there were no further threats. As he was turning around, he was hit in the leg with a blunt object. A goblin had sneaked up behind him and hit him with its club. He drew his sword (Body 4) and quickly swiped at the goblin slaying it immediately. He waited and listened for a few minutes, not letting his guard down this time. Once he was satisfied, he went back to sleep.

B: 5 +2/5, M: 6 +1/6, S: 6/6, XP: 51/50, 1 Healing Potion.

The sun rose and the bright new day awakened Kellen. He ate his breakfast then packed his things, thrilled at the thought of what today's day of adventuring would bring. He looked at the dead dragon that he had slain the day previous; it gave him confidence. Slaying a dragon on his first day as an adventurer, now there's surely nothing he wouldn't be able to beat, he thought to himself. Kellen gleefully marched west following the path at the end of the clearing. He continued on, excited for whatever lies ahead.

Body: 5/5, Mind: 6/6, Spirit 6/6, XP: 1, Level: 2
Items: 1 Healing Potion, +2 Magic Sword,
+1 Tome Stone of Enlightenment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Final thoughts:

• I should change the status reports to have the maximum displayed as well.
  (Went back and did that lol)
• Rolling 5,6,5 at the start made the adventure too easy but it was a good story I guess :))
• Maybe the Magic Swords and the Tomes of Enlightenment are supposed to make the adventure more difficult? +1 to rolls = bad, I used them as if they increased your threshold so instead of failing at 5 Kellen would have to roll 5 +1 (now +2) in Body to fail.
• Not sure if I'll continue this (at least using this system) or I'll be starting a new one in this system with a party. It's supposedly harder with a party because you'd have to share the loot and stuff.
• Overall, I'm happy with how this turned out :D This is what I imagine me playing DnD alone would look like. Maybe next time I'll play actual DnD and have dialogue too but who knows :))
• *"How to be a Black Mage" tag = How to be an Adventurer :))