Clutter.

If there were something wrong, I'd tell you.
Since there's nothing wrong, what would I tell you?

Nothing. I can only tell you nothing.

Questions from you come and I don't have answers. So I answer I don't know. But maybe the right answer is just nothing. There was nothing to know and I knew that it was nothing so the answer shouldn't have been I don't know but nothing.

Well, that wasn't the argument anyway. You acknowledged my scholarship, you acknowledged my lack of vices, it's just that the cleanliness... then the waking up at the right time.

I know what to do. I know how to do it. I sometimes wish I didn't. I don't want to be labeled smart or intelligent, because those labels come with responsibilities, hell, all labels come with responsibilities.

Maybe I don't want that. I don't want responsibilities. Honestly, I just don't want anyone to think of me as their responsibility. I don't want to hinder anyone's growth because they're stuck worrying about me.

While we're switching topics randomly, let's have a go at this one. You know how it's unfair that your parents are cramming and you're cramming and they're telling you to not cram. I think the term is hyprocrisy? Anyway, well I figured out why it has to be this way. The previous generation is just trying to better the next generation. All the things they've done we're now doing and they're trying to prevent it from happening to us. Honestly, I don't know how I should react to this, whether to go with the flow, to be changed for the better, or to go against it, and be stubborn and remain the same.

That's it then! When faced with adversities, the instinct is to fight back. I don't want to, but I do. I don't mean to not do the things you tell me to do, it just looks something I have to fight against, anything that interferes with my easy going lifestyle is bad. It's something I can rebel against so I do.

I'm sorry for that.

I want to clean up my room, my life... and I will.



Cooling off now. I like blogging because it helps me get what I can't say out. That's probably why my voice cracks up when I do confessions because I'm not used to them being oral confessions. Also I guess the things you say did hurt because I knew they were true. I really do want to be better, hell, I want to be the best that ever was. But cleanliness is not the top priority for me. I get to cleaning around stuff. The laptop's desktop is clean, my pokeboxes are kinda clean, my schoolbags are organized-ish, my clothes are compartmentalized. It's just the table. That damn table that people can see. Really, it's all about appearances. If no one can see your good works, who can say you did good?

Let me give an opposing theory too, what if because you can see the mess it channels through your work. So messy scenery equal messy work. Hm... maybe if there were a study I would believe that. One more thing, I seem to like rules, or proof, or evidence. I just wanted to point that out.

Well thanks blogger. Hope my mom never sees this. I really ought to clean up my table now. Gahhhhhhhhhh. Fine! I'll do it. I can't go to the bowling later though because I don't want to anymore. And I won't go to the trick-or-treat tomorrow either because I didn't fix my costume in time and because currently I don't want to. And yeah live in the now, enjoy time right now. Your future is decided by your now anyway so why worry about the future. Actually screw that, don't worry about anything at all. Just do your stuff. Do it. All of it. But then more stuff comes. When will I be able to play until forever?

//END.

PS. I also like records of things that's why messy is nice. Messy means I was there, it means I've left a mark. BLAH BLAH Cleanliness can do that too -_-"