Frisbee: Leg meet Mr. Cramp.

This one is for a friend.

Cramps. You get them from playing frisbee, from swimming, and other sports. It hurts during the moment it strikes and you just have to fall down especially if the cramp is at the foot or on your leg. So, you sit there for a few minutes, motionless, 'cause if you move it hurts a bit. Then you think, "Maybe, it's gone by now?". Then you stand up, and it hurts again. But you try and look strong and you stand up anyway, trying to hide the pain. You walk carefully, step after step, each step hurt after hurt. And you get to your destination. You sit for awhile. You think it got better. You get your bag and start walking. It still hurts and then there's the extra weight. You go down a set of stairs. "Oh wow," you think, "It's gone. Cool." Then you get to the ground floor. You realize you wanted to go back up. "OW! Ow. Ow...", yes, it was never gone. You get to the top floor and you lie down on your bed. You massage the part where it hurts to ease the pain. You get someone to massage it for you and they tell you, "Don't take a bath, you'll get cold". You agree without thinking, "But I just came from a sport and I want to take a bath." You realize this in the middle of the night and start walking to the bathroom. You shower and it feels so good, the pain is relieved. You go to sleep.

The next morning, you wake up. "OW! It's back." And it feels even worse. You can't get up, you can't get to school. You stay a whole day in bed not even allowed to play anything. You waste one day of your life for cramps.This happens for a few more days, you trying to recover. And one day you wake up. "Wow. I feel better. I feel refreshed." You feel free of the pain that cramps bring.

(Here it comes the conclusion you probably already realized was coming)
Cramps is like love you know? (Haha, yes it all boils down to this.) It kinda reminds you it's there all the time. Every time you try to forget, BOOM, there it is again saying, "Hey! I'm here. Just for forgetting, I'll hurt you some." And you do something stupid (for love, you know) and it's even worse now (like taking that shower 'cause you really had to). But thing is, cramps are temporary, and so is love (bitter of me? Maybe.) Maybe, just bad love (or seemingly good love that's actually bad) is temporary. The point is, love is an emotion, it's temporary. Like happiness, sadness, anger, or guilt. It'll be gone soon. So don't worry about it too much. You don't need to fuss over it much, it's either it'll be there or it won't.

Cut, here and here.

I cut myself during class yesterday with a cutter. It's an inch long on my left hand between the base of the index finger and the thumb. I just thought of it now but this cut is like a cut on your heart (I know these analogies are cliche but come on let me try one).

I've been having trouble stretching my left hand. I can't wear a glove or bat for softball so I had to sit out the game yesterday. It's really weird too when there is no scab that when i stretch it it's okay but when there is a scab it stings. Maybe when you're loving it's also like that. When you don't mind the heartbreak, it's easy to love again. And yet when you try to close it, to fill it, when you try to love it's so hard. Then again I can't properly use this kind of analogy or the word love properly, I'm not sure I've experienced it for a person in the romantic way yet. Yes, Infatuation, but maybe Love, not yet.

So What about Nobodies Like Me?

Who have no hearts...

Infatuation is so unfair. All the sights and the smells, all the hormones making me think I'm in love. And then I think, am I in love? Then the day of infatuations comes and everybody is trying to fall in / forget about love. But what about me? Think. Think. Think. Consider. Consider. Consider. No Action at all. Don't get me wrong though, I like Valentines, although what is a 'Valentine'? Is it an object of affection? Is it like chocolate or a card? Is it a person? Some one very dear to your heart? I don't know and I don't know if I'll ever find out.

Before I end this post I just wanna say, I'm sorry to my friend Mr. E, who wanted to give something to Ms. H today. I had to come along and ruin it :)). Sorry E. Sorry H. (I think you guys look good together though.)

So, as the day ends to another "Day of Hearts" or "Heart Day" or whatever can I just ask...


Will YOU be my Valentine?

UnPost.

So many things I want to post but I don't want to in my current state of mind, or at least that's my cover up for the actual reason, 'not right now'. I don't know which ones to post first and if ever to post them. I don't know how to start on them, but I have all the middle parts ready, but no intro (and no title). I usually end my posts on the spot but I still can't start because I have no start. I tried starting a few times but it usually ends up as, hold Backspace, Tab, Tab, Tab, Ctrl+A,Del.

I really wish I could just record all my thoughts. I'd post what I want you to read. But I don't think thoughts are like files on a computer like a .txt file that you can just read and edit anywhere. Maybe it's stored multiple times but each copy is copied from the previous like when you use paint to edit .jpg and you save it then it becomes blurry. You copy that pic and save it in another file it becomes blurrier and so on. Sometimes you're lucky and you get the copy of that thought but like the .jpg file it's the blurry copy and never the original awesome one.

As I was trying to finish this post I realized I didn't  plan to do a post like this yet here it is, complete with a title and everything. Maybe, I don't need to think ahead of time on what to post, just post what I feel like right now, right there and then. Hope to get a good topic next post.

It doesn't fit that way.

Round hole, square peg? Try as you might, it just won't work out. It's true for puzzles, for Biology, it's true for friends too. I'm actually writing this not from a recent experience.

I stopped trying ages ago, it just can't work out. I know it can't because we're just too different. It's not the difference I can't live with, it's what's not the same. You and I can never be any closer than we are now. I hope that maybe, in the near future, I'll change (or you'll change) and we can be better friends.

But then again, round peg in a square hole DOES fit. It may seem hard but it is possible. When I was a kid I proved it right. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough. Maybe we are different but I won't accept that difference. As in the previous paragraph, I hope I can change and we can be better friends.

I'm not naming any particular persons, I have not just one in mind though. I hope that when you read this, you don't think it's you. I hope that when you do find out, you don't feel bad and start treating me differently. If I can't seem to be better friends with you, at least let's remain average friends which is better than not being friends at all. At least, you know you'll have me and I hope that I can say you have my back too.

Why not?

I could name a lot of reasons to not. I could, I would, but I won't. It makes you think, "Why ask yourself this when you can ask yourself 'Why'?". Reasons are just excuses to get out of doing something. When you don't like something you have a billion reasons not to. When you like something you only need one reason to, and you will.

Friends of mine that are reading this will know what I'm talking about. I don't want to, not because I have a reason not to, or that I don't have a reason to (I have both reasons), it's just because I simply don't want to (Yeah sorry... I just can't.). I think that's how you're supposed to say no to doing something. No excuses, no "oh, I can't because dot dot dot". Because when you give excuses, the people who are trying to convince you will give counter arguments. If you say just "No", they'll probably reply "Why not?", then you can just say "No" again. And keep "No-ing" and they'll eventually go away. It might seem stupid or rude but that's just how it is...

I guess the point of all this is that today, I learned that when I say "No" and give some reasons why, I'm actually saying, please convince me to say Yes. But when I say "No" and just 'No' I MEAN 'NO', clear?

Why I'm blogging this though? I don't know... I felt like it. I couldn't say No to the urge to post something. Plus Saying / Typing No is fun! (It's way shorter to type than Yes, so NO! :D)

Why don't I remember?

I don't know why but I think better when I'm in the bathroom. Don't judge me but, it's really quiet in the bathroom, or you can stand in the shower and all you hear is the water whooshing out the shower head. I used to think a lot in the bathroom but I never seem to remember it fully. I can remember parts just not the whole thing. I wish I was able to translate my thoughts into words like what I'm doing right now or maybe, store it all somewhere where I can interpret it and maybe then I'll be able to know what I'm thinking.

I wish that whatever I think of I could broadcast so that I'll get feedback and it won't just be there in my mind only as thoughts, only as bottled up emotion, then bursting at the worst possible time. Believe me, I try talking about them, but there never is a good time for them to come up. Things I usually think of are outcomes to what I'll be doing that day or the next day. The event never goes as how I thought about it in my head. It looks right in my head then it looks like crap in the real world. I also think of arguments for when I'm ready to explode. I'm already thinking of excuses in the bathroom before any scolding is thought of. Yet, I never have the courage to blow up to get scolded at some more BECAUSE I blew up. I also think of things to say or to write down (and yes, I did think up some of this post in the bathroom, some because I kinda forgot the rest). All those things I want to say, all that I want to talk about, nowhere to go, never mentioned, never remembered. Don't get me wrong, they're not forgotten just never remembered at the right time. I wish thoughts and memories were stored how memory on a computer is stored, just raw data on a given space which we can upgrade and give out easily.

I love the quiet in the bathroom and nothing will make me change my mind about thinking in the bathroom.