Thoughts on Cleaning my Room.

Woohoo the table's clean! Where's my bed?! -_-"

Alright the bed's good. Now I can't see the floor -_-"

Alright I can see the floor, but I can see dust bunnies too. -_-"

Room's Clean xD

What now?

Now my life is meaningless T-T

Whee more Pokemon~

Clutter.

If there were something wrong, I'd tell you.
Since there's nothing wrong, what would I tell you?

Nothing. I can only tell you nothing.

Questions from you come and I don't have answers. So I answer I don't know. But maybe the right answer is just nothing. There was nothing to know and I knew that it was nothing so the answer shouldn't have been I don't know but nothing.

Well, that wasn't the argument anyway. You acknowledged my scholarship, you acknowledged my lack of vices, it's just that the cleanliness... then the waking up at the right time.

I know what to do. I know how to do it. I sometimes wish I didn't. I don't want to be labeled smart or intelligent, because those labels come with responsibilities, hell, all labels come with responsibilities.

Maybe I don't want that. I don't want responsibilities. Honestly, I just don't want anyone to think of me as their responsibility. I don't want to hinder anyone's growth because they're stuck worrying about me.

While we're switching topics randomly, let's have a go at this one. You know how it's unfair that your parents are cramming and you're cramming and they're telling you to not cram. I think the term is hyprocrisy? Anyway, well I figured out why it has to be this way. The previous generation is just trying to better the next generation. All the things they've done we're now doing and they're trying to prevent it from happening to us. Honestly, I don't know how I should react to this, whether to go with the flow, to be changed for the better, or to go against it, and be stubborn and remain the same.

That's it then! When faced with adversities, the instinct is to fight back. I don't want to, but I do. I don't mean to not do the things you tell me to do, it just looks something I have to fight against, anything that interferes with my easy going lifestyle is bad. It's something I can rebel against so I do.

I'm sorry for that.

I want to clean up my room, my life... and I will.



Cooling off now. I like blogging because it helps me get what I can't say out. That's probably why my voice cracks up when I do confessions because I'm not used to them being oral confessions. Also I guess the things you say did hurt because I knew they were true. I really do want to be better, hell, I want to be the best that ever was. But cleanliness is not the top priority for me. I get to cleaning around stuff. The laptop's desktop is clean, my pokeboxes are kinda clean, my schoolbags are organized-ish, my clothes are compartmentalized. It's just the table. That damn table that people can see. Really, it's all about appearances. If no one can see your good works, who can say you did good?

Let me give an opposing theory too, what if because you can see the mess it channels through your work. So messy scenery equal messy work. Hm... maybe if there were a study I would believe that. One more thing, I seem to like rules, or proof, or evidence. I just wanted to point that out.

Well thanks blogger. Hope my mom never sees this. I really ought to clean up my table now. Gahhhhhhhhhh. Fine! I'll do it. I can't go to the bowling later though because I don't want to anymore. And I won't go to the trick-or-treat tomorrow either because I didn't fix my costume in time and because currently I don't want to. And yeah live in the now, enjoy time right now. Your future is decided by your now anyway so why worry about the future. Actually screw that, don't worry about anything at all. Just do your stuff. Do it. All of it. But then more stuff comes. When will I be able to play until forever?

//END.

PS. I also like records of things that's why messy is nice. Messy means I was there, it means I've left a mark. BLAH BLAH Cleanliness can do that too -_-"

One week later posts.

I haven't been posting a lot. Not much to post about, meaning nothing going wrong in life. It's best to share negative things (rants) on the internet, as an "anonymous person", and to rave (positive rant, I think?) to people you know and care for... maybe?

I don't really know :)) but I do know that I broke my 3DS charger by trying to fix it today so yeah that's the worse news of the week, or since Finals I guess. I passed my Chemistry btw, I think I mentioned it before but yeah I haven't written anything in a week. Hm... let me blog a little more.

I love breaks. Semestral breaks and summer breaks enabled us to chat often and I miss that. I actually don't know if you can read this but I'm going to try, you can tell me anything. If you tell me to not judge you I won't, if you tell me not to tell anyone else, I won't.

I swear. I'm curious as hell though. I'm feeling a bit Feeler-ish right now that's why I'm posting this (lol LAN party). Anyway, if something comes out of this, that'll be something.

And now to be completely different... well not really?

~

I miss the feeling. Touching. Yeah, hugs, holding hands. Hugs are not exclusive to one person, nor is holding hands. I miss the sensation. No hidden meaning here, I miss those and kisses. Okay I'm just what the effing right now at myself, hell my sentence construction is turning horrible but I just remembered that I really miss those. But I'm not going into a relationship just for that. I'm not looking for a relationship right now because of that. I'm not looking for a relationship right now because I want to find that one girl. I'm pretty sure it could be anyone. I think soulmates are made. They're found because what you're looking for is what you see, and things you don't look for you're blinded from. Yeah, something like that. I don't want to proof read this block of text just to show how much sleep I lack.

Also, happy crushes are weird, and fun I guess. Just like wonder trade. But I can't have wonder trades... because it uses up too much battery, and I don't have a working charger T-T

~

Anyway, just a heads up, I've also been recently reintroduced to KPOP. Hey, don't judge! Mages can be mystified by hot girls who dance and sing well. Reintroduced because I explored it briefly then forget about it for awhile, and then was introduced to it again las month and now I'm in to it much more. Just to prove my point, SooYoung <3.

tl;dr
Nothing horribad to report since Finals.
I love you too, I think.
I miss Physical Touch.
The usual Relationship doubts.
SooYoung <3


PS I have updated my Laptop set-up and it is awesome. Also I'm now more inclined to using the :3 emoticon. I really like it's look on FB. Still hating the :O on FB though.

Holding hands... I miss it :)) and Hugs :3

You guessed right!

That was not a shock to me. Honestly, I find comfort that you know and you remember. I can't believe I've had my reservations with trusting you with the not always happy stuff. So, thanks. I'm pretty sure you'll never read this, but my thoughts are with you. It's my way of saying I'll think of you, er... rather, I am concerned with you. Look I can't explain it :)) when I place my fingers on my forehead and then give it to your direction, it's to say goodbye, and I hope you'll be well. I DUNNO I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT ALRIGHT?! It's definitely something new I picked up. Or made up. Whatever. Just yeah.

In unrelated news, I am not nervous about my bio exam today. It's like the acceptance of my chem score is just shielding me from any kind of other emotion aside from those positive ones. It's nice I guess? I don't feel stressed. But I also don't feel the urgency to study. I'm done studying though, at least that's what I feel. I don't trust it though but whatever :)) Just yeah. Good luck to all of us taking the exam, and all of us who have exams (and other requirements)  in the near future! Let's do well and have fun!

Also, I need Pokemon XY now T-T Please. Will probably get X? And buy Y later when I have a chance to borrow another 3DS. And we'll all be excited for Z. SO MUCH GAMES. I'M SO EXCITED. AHAHAHAHA.

Not for me, but for others.

I think that especially in my School right now, failing should never be an option. Failing means you have to take the subject again the next semester and that wastes one slot while using up another. The failed slot is wasted, money is wasted, the time is wasted, the effort of people lining up to take that slot is wasted.

So don't fail not only because your scholarship depends on it, not only because your parents are working hard for your tuition, not only because it'll look horrible on your resume, not only because you'll look bad in front of your friends, but because you don't want to waste the slot you got. Getting their slot could equate to them being delayed, them wasting more money, and time, and effort, because you didn't pass. Try to get that off your conscience, it's hard really.

So M please don't fail. Study Well. Try a few days before. Especially because both Finals fall on the same day.

BUT SERIOUSLY WTH HAPPENED I CAN'T BELIEVE I BARELY GOT 1/3 OF THE TOTAL OF THE 2ND TEST OUT OF TWO. MY OVERALL TOTAL ISN'T EVEN 50% T-T THERE HAS TO BE SOME MISTAKE :| ME HOPES. AND ME WISHES. AND ME WILL DO WELL WHETHER OR NOT THERE IS MISTAKE (well there are a lot of wrong answers definitely, but I was sure I had enough to pass -_-")

idontwanttofail.icanlearnwithoutfailingright?helpmeplease.screworganicchemistrylectureclasses.labismylove.creys.

I'm pretty sure I haven't yet.

I have not said anything against you I think. If I have then pardon me. But if you tell me not to say anything I won't. You're my friend. I'm your friend. I won't tell them.

And yet I'm a hypocrite. I hang with them. Actually I just really hanging out where everybody is at. Except that's them... that's us. That should be EVERYBODY. Every-freaking-one of us. I shouldn't probably even matter because of my state right now.

Things should get fixed, and everyone should just help everyone get better together. Benefit of the doubt. Always be the bigger man.

Unless it's that 10B scammer person, in which case, just make her pay for what she did. And then forget about her. But pursue everybody else who was involved... better yet pursue everybody who was in the same condition as her.

~

Confrontation is big because you avoided the small arguments before. Woman up and face it, I think. I know I wouldn't want to either, but there'll be people who will be there for you. I'm here. They should all be there, not waiting for your fall, but to pick you up and bring you to where their standards lie.

That's the system... the majority rules :/ and regarding the 10B scammer people, the majority of their money is what makes them rule :(