Money.

It makes the world go round.
It's the root of all evil.

I hate it. It's not that it's inherently evil really, it's the love for it that makes it evil. It really sucks that it makes the rules. I can't really think of a world I'd like to live in without it though. I'd just like to come home and not have to worry about any problems regarding it.

I don't want to save. I want to spend. That's what it's for. For obtaining other items for use. But investing and saying no to debt is so difficult. Instant gratification wins over almost all the time. It's horrible. I hate it. I hate the feeling of worry. I hate being uncertain. But it's become my habit, uncertainty, RNG.

I realize now why I'm a scholar. I realize now why I have to finish college. But I still don't know what I'm doing after. They say it's a problem for tomorrow you, and luckily tomorrow never comes. How to live with money? How to live without it?

I'm still just so confused. I refuse to understand its system right now, which is my fault really. I just want to

be happy.

Forget about things for a while.

I think I need to make blogging my new, do thing to start doing things.

But for now I just want to start typing so that I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. Beware, this will be a long and rambly post, one that might not have an ending. Right now, I have no plans for this, just rambling post incoming.

I think that I like my course. Biology is fun. I'm not a fan of anatomy. Or I'm just a case of bad circumstances. Let me try to dissect my problem right now. I think I should go back to when I was struggling with Biochemistry.

I found that I didn't not like Biochemistry, it's just that I thought I didn't like it. I found it difficult because I didn't understand it. I didn't understand it because I slept in class. I slept in class because I didn't sleep at night. I didn't sleep at night (not enough sleep at least) because I was procrastinating. I was procrastinating because I found other things more interesting than the subjects I had... which leads me to believe that I don't really like my course as much as I had thought I did? Or does Biology have to have a hook for me to get interested? Shouldn't I just inherently be interested in it because I chose to love it? Am I just saturated right now?

To give light on my current state here's this paragraph / wall of text. I had to appeal to keep my scholarship back in the beginning of the semester so I was unable to register other subjects other than my Bio Majors. I didn't pre-rog because I thought "Hey, I'm a Bio Major, I can handle Bio Majors." You know like four of them, all in one sem. Hahaha. Well, past that, I could see myself studying for them, but I like to blame it on when my parent's left me for a month, to take care of the house. Seriously, I wasn't ready for that. I had to deposit checks and stuff o.o That's like the most grown-up thing I've ever done! But I learned to do that, which is cool now I guess. But I like to blame that month as the reason I never got my study habits for the semester in check. I never told my parents but sometimes I would skip my first class because I woke up late. Because I had to do requirements in the evening, you know, after handling all of the money stuff and the tutorial center. I had to handle taking care of my little brother too. Yeah, even just driving and fetching him for school was kind of a hassle. I really wasn't ready to grow up.

And I'm just not ready to grow up still. I still want to play. I think this has been the central thesis of my blog since I stopped liking her. But it also makes me appreciate my parents more because they do all this for me while I only have to worry about my studies. And that's the thing I'm not happy about right now. That's all I'm doing right now, worrying about my studies. I'm not working to get better grades, I'm not working to learn better, I'm just worrying. It's so petty, I can't even believe that I haven't gotten over it yet.

Also, I dropped a major, so I think I might be delayed, and I'm still in the red when it comes to passing my other major. One major, I actually like because it has math (maybe I could do math for my life instead?). The other major is a hassle and I've let down my groupmates far too often then what is prescribed (prescribed is to never let them down, and I've done much worse). And I have that one stray lab class. Why have I achieved such a fate? Why have I put myself in this situation?

And yet I'm still not dead. There is a reason I'm not dead. I don't know why yet. Maybe it's to finish my Biology course and to become an inspiration, or you know maybe I'll discover something Bio-related. Maybe it's just to motivate the people I've met and going to meet. Maybe it's to sacrifice myself for the people I've met and going to meet. Maybe I need to make 12 children. Maybe I need to be a radio disc jockey. Maybe I need to be a sports announcer (Dota 2 is an esport, so that probably counts). Maybe I need to be a youtuber. Maybe I need to be a game developer (indie or mainstream). Maybe I just need to fall in love. Maybe I need to finish my scholarship. Maybe I need to tweet more.

I'm not dead. I am thankful. I will contribute to the world. Not a big contribution yet. Small ones for now. I should start now. Yeah. That'd be great.

//Not re-read nor proofread.
//Unedited.

Click.

How do you let everyone know that you've let them all down?
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I'd really like to load a previous save file right now.
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I'd like to reroll my stats and reclass into a better student perhaps.
I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.

I've been looking for my restart button for ages but there just isn't one.
I guess I should just move on and do better than I have before.

Yes. Even if only marginally better. Just a smidge better today. Then just a little bit better tomorrow.
I don't need to be looking for my restart button because there just isn't one.

Huh.

I still exist to you.

But I doubt you're any more interested than you were the night we met.

Can I change that though?

Do I want to do that right now?

There is no safe place

to rant anymore :))

Should probably move URL's because obviously this is not my theme anymore. Well it probably is but the posts I have here are no longer of the same content as when I first started :))

Also, twitter is not safe because I am apparently applying for a twitter-heavy org :))

So yeah I'll leave with this.

The MemComm Head reminds me of my Ex. Not sure if good thing or bad xD

Coffee more bro :))

Unexpected late night hello :))

I wish you knew and I wish I wouldn't have to guess.

But where's the fun in that? :))

I shall work on my looks and my physique some other time. For now it's time to prevent another trip to the far away land of DOST.

What if I was never meant to be a student?

What if this kind of life does not suit me? Can I take a break from this for like a year? But I really want a degree. And my scholarship will cost me money if I drop it now.

I think I'll just get by with a little help from my friends. GLHF me. I think I'll survive this sem. Hopefully without getting a 4.00 or 5.00

Feeler mode activate *boop*

"Here we go again!"

Let's a go ♪

Handle-edged sword.

D... D... Do I fit that description? o.o Oh gahd.

If you only knew

Who am I talking to though? o.o

Also, I think. I think. I think... I may have gotten a girl's number :)) Will update when I wake up.
I should probably study after updating :))

To chat or not to chat?

She's online. So I should probably chat her up right?
I have two exams tomorrow. So I should probably not chat her up right?
I didn't get to talk to her last Friday. So I should probably not not chat her up right?
I don't have anything in particular I want to talk about. So I should probably not not not chat her up right?

HALP PLOX.

"Wanna watch a movie instead?"

All of my usual chatmates are offline. Except for one. Is this a sign? I think I should undistract myself and go finish the powerpoint. :))

Kawaii T-T

That's the only thing I can't rant about on Twitter right now. Because she follows me :))

You never know what you want until something :))

I've always said I never liked chinky eyed girls... I was wrong :)) They've been the apple in my eyes lately apparently :)) Seriously I didn't notice until now. Is it true then? Is Love Blind? But then me seeing the truth would mean that I am no longer blind and therefore... no longer in love? O:

Anyway, also true for short haired girls, meaning I thought I didn't like them xD Though in this case the "Oh, she looks great with that hairstyle" clause is more to blame.

Count that I can remember: 2 Crushes and 2 Happy Crushes so far.

GAG;hesalk etwae4 2

l;kx zasj  ajsjgj;sad tg

And I'm back. OMG. I have so much frustration that I haven't released in a long long while and now I'm on my tipping point. Like seriously. I can't seem to talk to anyone because I refuse to do any backstabbing. This shouldn't count right, because... It's online. And I'm anonymous. And I'm not telling any specific person. Or something like that :))

I think my next move should be to chat her up rin :)) But I don't want to do it right now because he's chatting her up right now. I'm not not chatting her up right now because I want her for myself really, I'm not not chatting her up because he's still my friend and I should still be a wingman :))

Support role activate. I should only deny opposing heroes XP; I shan't deny my laning partner XP. T-T
Grarararararar. I don't even know where to place wards, or if it's even important to place wards. We might just be fighting bots. Gah. I thought he was on a different lane T-T

//Double-posting is a bad sign :))
//It's not even midnight yet xD

Agitated.

*gets off twitter and FB*

It seems no one can console me on any of those sites so I guess I'll be ranting here now :)) I can't exactly rant to le best friend because we're actually competing for the affection of the same girl and well the issue at hand is exactly that.

But it sucks because I'm pretty sure le best friend had a different girl in his sights. Ughhh. I'm pissed really, and jealous at the fact that he got more time with her. I'm pissed because despite being "loyal" he's now trying his hand at another girl (not literally :)) ). Also, it happened when we were on the road to drunkeness. Which would be alright except we both remember everything that goes on even when we're drunk.

I have really no idea how to go through with this anymore... at least right now. I wonder how I can ruin their date on Saturday :)) I refuse to go back to FB to check out what he just PM'ed me. I'm still pissed. I'm still agit.

I think I need a shower. Yeah. Dinner then shower. Gah. Don't know what to do :/

After rereading post update:
Pretty sure there's no need to be upset over a date. But I'm still jealous. Definitely :)) Not a first. But it's been so long since I've found a girl I was willing to be stupid for. It's been so long since I've found a girl I found attractive and just a chat away. It's been so long since I've had a crush on a friend. And the guy who's in my way is my best friend! *sigh* Well it's not over yet. Still freaking agit tho.

High School Hormones?

You know when you think she's the one? And then you think she's the one? And then oooh she's the one as well? :)) Or is this how college hormones are? xD Good thing I have some sort of self-preservation mechanism which stops me from doing stupid things at the wrong time. It's not foolproof but it's there!

I'm not a fan.

Not of you. Not anymore. I'm a friend definitely, so that's cool I guess. So what now?

"suicide??"

If I try my best and fail a class because I was given two difficult classes at the same time, can I blame them for my failure if I could have taken one of the two difficult classes in the previous semester? That's not considering the other subjects I will be enlisted in. So... is this suicide?

OH GAHD. Other than getting the difficult Bio I should have taken last semester, I also got the difficult Biochemistry Bio subject O: So... Bio 102 is hard mode and then a Chem 40 new game ++.

Here's to no failure! This means no games for a while too :( oh well hahahahuhuhu T-T

2am Rewind.

I might have been exposed to SNSD at an earlier period if I didn't have a girlfriend, I think. Yeah... Maybe, just maybe.

GAH. MUST WAKE UP AT 7 THOUGH :)) Someone wake me up :D

//Could have been separated into 2 tweets though. BUT SCREW THAT :))
//Now 3 :D or 4 xD

This needs a long one.

So... all my matches today were losses. Considering I've only played this heroes once or twice it'd be fine. Except, everybody else seems to get the hang of their hero like right off the bat. It's like I refuse to learn. I don't know what to do, but I'm sure that if I want to play the hero, I've got to test them a bit more. It'll be fun, kinda. Maybe, not really. Actually, yeah it probably will be. But lots of hurt right now. Not for failing to learn so fast, but failing my team these games. Huhuhu. Learn Learn Learn. Need More Practice.

Feels.

At least I know I'm not in it just for the feels. Still waiting for that one girl.

"I miss the love that was almost there~" THIS SONG xD wew wew wew

In other news, I've finally dreamt about her, er... rather, I've seen her in my dreams. Twice it has happened, and I think I just waved at her, while she waved back. I don't think I like her anymore. But it's always been fun to think that I still do. There's nothing to tell about, so I end up repeating the same old story. The feels are the same, especially the stupid-ness xD.

Sometimes I really want to text you, say "Hi" and finally have a conversation after months of no contact. I bumped into you once this whole year, and we had small talk. I just wanna be friends again :)) Our circle of friends is one the circles I haven't been interacting with much these days. I miss it. I miss you guys.

This feels, I'm not feeling right now though. It's just been nagging at me. Nudging.

"I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have no rhythm~" :))

What. The. What.

"Wait, wait, what, they're not? But it's so freaking obvious!"

I. Have. No. Idea. How. To. React.

I'm not ready for this o.o I never have been ready and I never will be o.o

To quote myself  "she needs to be a gamer before a show of dominance impresses me :))"

This is gahh gahh what what. BLAGLAKH:RJAKGAHYPOIRUAKGLAHPRALGHP (can't pronounce that either...) I'm. Bleh.

Back to watching Frozen now. (Finally watching Frozen now.)

Chem Gaming-ish.

All girls have good angles, but life is about looking for the girl who looks good in all angles.

That's kinda superficial I guess but because of the latter clause it well hm...

Look, the one you'll eventually find will no longer need to be all...

Let's say you have a checklist. That one person you'll find... the checklist doesn't matter. That one person will just be...

I'm not doing well explaining this. This is kinda awkward now...

Also, contradictions will follow. Er... She will have flaws. But she will... look good anyway o.o
Hm... no contradiction there apparently xD So yeah! Go find that one person.

"Hey look! It's that ONE guy!" -Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, some bystander referring to Matthew Pattel. At least that's what I remember xD Also, references the fact that Pattel is the first evil ex :-bd Bam! Movie Triva!

//Cramming studying for BioChem Long Exam tomorrow. But once again not feeling the pressure. I guess subconsciously, I'm know I'm going to pass, or even do well. But how well really depends on what I do right now. So yeah, back to studying :D (Yes, I've been studying already :-bd Yey for progess!)

Questions Unanswered.

"How do you tell if a girl you like, likes you too?"
"How do you tell the girl you like, you like her too?"
Also, "How do you start a conversation with a stranger you just happen to like?"
"Are you free on _____?" xD

More to come.
//Techno / Electronika / House Music / Dub step here
//Cry too stronk <3

Much Feels. Very Feeler.

Ahahaha. Don't do that XD Update after we haven't chatted for months. It's... I'm a feeler xD

Foolish Fools! *whips*

Who ever invented April fools is a genius and fooled everybody that Pranks are only permittable on April 1st. Ahahahaha. Fools!
Don't hurt anybody, and don't take it too seriously, and everybody should be fine.

What I should take seriously though is that I took my BioChem Finals without studying. Ahahaha. I don't remember posting it here, but I had given up on it. I really had. But the scores were returned, and I have just enough to take the removals. If I pass that I won't have to take this subject again.

This is what I've been wishing for the whole semester. My chance to redeem myself. If I can pass this and not have to take the subject again, I will get through my next 2 years in college pretty well. "I will" because I'm fixing my stuff. Yeah I am.

Just to update, I ran for Academics Committee Chair for the organization I'm in, and won, so that's a plus one in my responsibilites. After this semester I'm never taking a Finals that isn't required, and even if I don't take a required Finals I should still be able to pass. My parents are having money problems, we're in debt, like by a lot so I have to be a bit smarter with my money. I'm considering getting a part-time job even with my summer class, bonus points if I can keep it secret and surprise them with my first paycheck and make them cry or something (so melodramatic xD). I really like playing games!

I learned a new thing about dating... I think. Something about defining the relationship, and treating it as "let's continue this" or "let's stop this" thing. I think this is why being steady is something. Probably still shouldn't flirt with other chicks if you're dating someone and you definitely shouldn't flirt with other chicks if you're steady with someone. Sorry to non-straight, not men who are reading this, I am a straight dude so my examples are definitely straight.

Note though, I think that it doesn't matter if you're in love with a male or a female because kissing them feels the same, it's just different if you love someone I guess xD weird but yeah. (still straight though xD not sure I'm open to being in a relationship with a dude :)) prolly not xD)

So yeah Dating. That is more responsibility. Don't know if I want more responsibility or not. Maybe more will keep me on track better, or more will kill me and just make me fail more people. I can change! I believe I can.

Promises shouldn't broken. Don't promise anything you can't do/give. So yeah.

//WOOH LONG POST BUT STILL JUST JUNK. NEED MORE CREATIVE STUFF.

Chem Gaming should probably be a Tag now, eh?

Will be trying that brain hack probably during summer.

With whatever subject I'm taking. Or taking again. I really I hope I won't have to. I'm resigned to the fact that I might. But there's still hope in my heart that I can pass.

//Learning, eh? What about the learning, huh?
//Also, these short posts suck xD After this I will have feels all over this blog.

I don't want to again.

I don't want to study, eh?

Again should not be an option. T-T

Also, I need more secrets. Hmm.

Biochemistry?

Can I just stay home and play video games instead? How 'bout just watching kpop videos?

Need to overcome this week. And every week thereafter. This will be one helluva week.

Good luck have fun.

Nitrogen.

That's what I missed last meeting in Chem.
And I didn't go to a single meeting of Physics this week. I'm not entirely sure if that was my tenth absence or what. If it is, I have no idea how to tell my parents that I failed my Physics due to cutting class. I hope I can still write my signature on this week's attendance sheet, this week. I really hope so. T-T

I REALLY need to end the cycle. The fact that I'm NOT exempted from my Math Finals is freaking saying something. It's so embarrassing T-T I need to get my xhit together one last time.

Rather, it should be the last time I need to, for all the future times it will already be together before I even need it to be together.

So here's to the impossible because the impossible is an achievement. NO TO FINALS. After this Semester I will not take a Finals that isn't required, and if it were required, I don't need to go to it to pass.

Madness? No. This is... yeahp, it's madness!

~~~

Chaotic Good.

It's a burden to know what is good and to just feel you're supposed to do what is good, but still do what feels good.

But yeah, definitely no to un-freedom :-bd

Conversational Learner.

That's probably a thing somewhere. And that's me right now. I learn better with a friend. Kinda. I could probably learn alone but not with this many distractions and a friend just kept me on track. Which is great.

Or maybe that's what I need... just someone who'll give me direction. Like, for all my doubts, give me a direction.

I've been trying to be that to everybody else, but I don't think I have been told what I want to hear at least for a while. Hm... I dunno. I'm not making sense. Selective obedience and selective confidence booster or something.

I like Reading.

So let's use that to my advantage. READ THE CHAPTER! GET RESULTS! GLHF :-bd

COMPREHENSION ACTIVATE!

Almost Empty.

Which is good really. At least for my desktop.

I cleaned it up! And my Hard Drive too! I got back 100gb of space and I have an extra 40gb if I want it.
And that's what I did today. So that's that :))

Also, my laptop overheats whenever I play Attack on Titan, which sucks T-T It's super fun, funner in multiplayer, whoever thought it would ever be in multiplayer. I guess I have to start watching the anime now.

Now I must play because it's the weekend and all I've been doing is decluttering. :3

//Holy Crap that was uninteresting xD
//Need to work on writing skills

Penis.

//The title was suggested by a friend. Hm... I'm not blogging where I normally blog just in case you were wondering

BUT GRARARARAR CHEM GAMING AGAIN T-T EXCEPT FOR EVERY SUBJECT EVEN THOSE THAT DON'T NEED / AREN'T CHEM T-T

I have 0 self-control I need to reroll that stat. But I don't know if I have anymore rerolls :/ It's either that or I must gradually get +1 increases BUT I HAVE NO SELF-CONTROL TO GRADUALLY INCREASE MY STATS!

It's a freaking cycle! Unable to level up self-control because self-control is 0 T-T my other stats go down too but my gaming stats grow yet it's not even proportionate to the loss :/

WHAT THE HELL DO I EVEN WANT WITH MY LIFE?!

Seriously? I need either a primer or to fail because I think my pride stat is too high that even at the lowering of my stats, I'm not affected T-T

I DON'T WANT TO FAIL. WHAT IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. TOO MUCH LIMBO.

I NEED A BREAK. Actually I make to much time for breaks T-T.

I need to face my problems, but I can't because the problem is my face...

Well actually my facade. I'm supposed to be a genius slacker. BUT I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH MY OWN FACADE T-T I'm feeling really cynic today because of all the negative energy I haven't been able to channel out. I need to punch or wrestle someone until I can't move anymore.

I have a paper due tomorrow that I haven't started and I don't have any sleep in the sleep bank right now. Just FML FML FML FML. It's always like this T-T WHAT IS THIS LIFE.

Dear Internet Connection.

Thank you. I just can't believe how fast you've grown. I'm just so impressed. Just thank you. Though you may be the primary "distraction" in my life, I just have to say, I'm here writing today because of you.

-BMM

Not Cool Man.

I should seriously study. But I think I've forgotten how :( I am a fail. But I will get better. I should just start reading and short term memory storing now. Gonna pass this and then do even better in the next.

I know I can, I shouldn't, but I have to right now. I won't later though, at least I shouldn't, but I might, but I'll try. Yes, I will succeed. I will success.

//That girl is just "wow-beautiful" and she reminds me of someone but I can't place it nor recall if I like the person she reminds me off.
//Also, holy crap. I've never seen her as "wow-beautiful" as how I saw her today.
//Both different people, and yes, not the usual people.

What the Hell Hero?!

Because TVTropes + Exam the next day = Title.
TVTropes + Chem Exam = WTFH.
...
Yes. Yes I am. Why? Magic's pretty good. Actually it's incredible :p

Aaaaaaaand she's taken T-T

I still haven't changed a bit. I admit, I've been watching more TV series' and I even downloaded Korra season 2... I'm nocturnal now though. It's not something to be proud of, and I'm not proud of. I definitely can and will change that. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I slept at night... because I always sleep past 12mn, which is not night; then again it is called midnight :)) But past 12mn it's a.m. which means morning! (Well I guess it means before midday, literally. And before midday is day / morning, right? :)) )

So yeah, screw this lifestyle. Because I sleep in ALL my classes. Especially my Chem classes. It's like I don't even try to stay awake :/ And I can't though, which sucks... so yeah. Hoping I'll fix my body clock (fix = get it the way, adults expect it to be) and then graduate with honors. So glhf to me!

Also, currently watching: Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger
Will be watching: Legend of Korra Season 2
Just recently watched: Fate Zero and before that, Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate (Love, Elections & Chocolate)

//Still can't get over the fact that SooYoung has a boyfriend T-T
//but I'm totally happy that she's happy with someone...
//who isn't me T-T :))

Update to Worth it?

Apparently so. Hooray and stuff :))
Also damn, I can't believe I forgot the significance of that date. Which does mean I'm getting better. Good job me :D

What the Chocolate.

Ugh... I'm up. Again. Again again.

And I don't have any food to get me through the night this time. And I have no idea how to discuss an experiment without results. Well I have an idea. But it's so stupid it just might work.

And that damn chocolate bar. The Universe is against me in a sense that it doesn't want me to have my way with things. The rehearsals in my head don't work, rather, nothing ever goes like how I rehearsed them. Just the Universe telling me, I can't run my world. Not exactly, how I want it to be. I think I had a chance but it was different from what I had expected so I didn't take it and the chocolate is melted and so I gave it away. And I feel horribad because I tried and failed again. Don't know what ever gave me the idea there was a chance of success... but I guess that's why we try don't we? To find out our chances. Maybe the RNG was not with me that time, or the Universe... or the the Universe and the RNG is the same thing and yeah the odds were not in my favor. Or they made me believe I didn't have the odds so un-action occurred.

Now I'm rehearsing again. That same scene, except with the circumstances that presented itself then. Except I can't perform it because its moment had already happened. I'm hoping some alternate Universe Maki has the better part of the stick on this flip coin (lol because.) and so yeah.

It's time I took a break from this break and have myself a Kit... Chem. I should do my Chem.

//RNG = Random Number Generator. Usually determines critical hits and evasion. And other rolls.

Worth it?

I'm in a group I don't particularly like and they're running our supposedly for the people activity as a kind of vacation type thing and I have no idea how to tell them they're being stupid.

One, I have no idea how to actually push through with the project. Two, they might not respect my opinion anyway because I'm not one of them. Three, they're my batchmates, I have to get along with them for a while.

Though I have no idea how they'll react if I call them out on it it's just that I hate feeling like the bad guy. I don't want to be a bad guy but I think this will definitely need calling out on because damn it, this activity is to supposed to help someone. I mean really. Will I care if they react negatively? I really don't want to fail this subject because I'm in a group I don't like / a group who does not get the point of the planning of an activity.

SCREW THEM. GRARARAR. I DON'T WANT FAILURE. T-T

Happy Half-Birthday to me :3

18 and 1/2 years old. lol. GIFF ME GIFTS!!!

What if

my concern for other people's well being is just to keep myself occupied until I wanted to do what I needed to do, and my recent lack of people connection pushes me to stay up on the internet longer and farther from what I usually do, so that by now I'm so far, I'm no longer "concerned" for others but at the same time more procrastinated or something like that?

That is, lying to others and myself that I'm concerned is the lesser evil compared to my own personal pursuits online with respect to my ability to do work earlier.

Except... I really shouldn't be too much into others problems if I haven't solved my own. So yeah, I guess that's something.

But I'm sure I'm actually concerned, it's just that when I turned on my Hopeless Romantic Phase, I accidentally triggered my cynicism too. Another reason to turn that off :))

//... Un-activate! Boop!

Delta Bravo Mike Mike

It's weird. Yeah. I've lost my talk to anything about friend. Rather, I've lost them. Which actually implies I've lost myself.

I've not been myself lately I suppose; I'm also not what I've been hoping to become, so that's a problem.

Most of it right now is due to pop culture. Yeah. I've delved into several branches of pop culture that are not exactly related and rather than find myself more topics to talk to friends about, I have too much that's too different from the usual.

Which isn't all bad, except I have no idea how to tell them; the way I want to talk to them about it, is not my usual. So I have no idea how that will go. And I'd rather not try it over chat / online. But I've never done that in person either... so now I'm stuck at pretending I'm a lonely person looking for acceptance pretending he's his old self easy going and easy to get along with.

Look, I've alienated myself from others and sometimes I think it's not too bad. Right now I'm not liking it though, I'd like to go back to how things were like back in high school I suppose... but that's not the progressive way, right?

I do want to find someone to talk to about anything and everything, and given the pop culture I've gotten into recently (and the habits I've developed actually) I'm thinking I want someone new to talk to. A girl. Yeah. You know. Ahahahaha.

Hopeless Romantic Phase Activate. Except, there's no one on the radar. 'Tis weird. 'Tis incredibly weird. How 'bout I just say I want a hug or a peck on the cheek, attribute all my problems to lack of those and be on my way?

But that's not me right now. I want that and more. But I'm sticking to my previous thoughts...

Not right now, not anytime soon. I'd have to give up games for that, and I'd rather not. I'd like to give up games for something like academics or better relationships with friends. But then I'd have to find a different hobby.

WAIT A SECOND. My hobby is playing video games o.o and surfing the net. Sorry if this all sounds weird to you guys because this is just wow. A weird revelation in my head. Video games is a hobby I do not want to replace. It's not an addiction or a hindrance, it's part of my growth. I can't and shouldn't give it up.

Okay... maybe less time spent browsing on the internet will benefit me, and I guess I'll do that. Yeah I suppose I will. My friends do it all the time. Plus the age of Y!m (a.k.a. the age of late night chats) should be over. Maybe? I dunno. Just, yeah. Move over high school habits and move in uhm... better habits I suppose.

I'm not ready for school tomorrow though it's horrible and this post is horrible. I guess this is almost 1 month of no real out er... output? I forget the word. Yeah whatever. Just this kind of release of whatever I'm thinking.

Christmas break was fun definitely. Lots of play and almost 0 work. Unfortunately that will mean I will have to adjust to less play and a lot of work quickly. Because this extreme lack of a work ethic will be my downfall. And I can't let that happen.

tl;dr ΔBMM

//I write really weirdly. I need to write me something creative soon because this kind of writing is disorganized and it's just horrible :)) Plus, writing will give me something to do before requirements come in. And because I will try to enforce my no games and less facebook on weekdays thing.
//These comments are too long xD